Yet again

Yet again a post in Laksh’s blog prompted me to write this entry. I am not listening to a lot of English songs here in Chennai, but this post made me check this one out on youtube. I like the song no doubt. Have listened to quite a few songs which talk about how one needs to be stronger etc.., I have loved those songs too. When I hear them, I appreciate the sentiment. Do I really follow it? That is a totally different aspect!

There are times I put myself first; and then actually feel guilty of doing so! These lines…

wish there was more
I could say
another fairy tale fades to grey

I’ve lived on hope
like a child
walking that mile
faking that smile
all the while
wishing my heart had wings

strike a chord somewhere! I don’t fake my smile though. I still manage to smile even through all the mess that I am going through right now. The fairy tales have faded, don’t really believe in hope any more. Trying to dredge through each day. I don’t really feel bad to say that I live for A at the end of the day.

Am I proud of myself or the life I lead? No; but as a friend says I need a huge shot of self-confidence. Maybe some day I might be proud of the way A turned out (the flicker of hope?!? )

Well, whatever it is about me – I do look up and appreciate the strong women around me; strong in their own way. The one strong woman who I should probably draw huge inspiration from is probably my mother who still instils strength in me though being bedridden as she is I am proud to be her daughter; hope she can be proud of me some time!