Boy!! oh! Boy!!!

I have written about how I used to get annoyed/amused at how people used to be surprised that I was conversant in English when I was back in the US.

Now, I am facing the reverse of that! There are people who come up and tell me now; “oh your English is good because you were in the US for a while!” No matter how much I tell them that all I did was cook & clean all those years, they seem to stick to their idea!

Another thing; I was told I have an American accent at times. Now, I don’t know if I really have one or whether others perceive that ….like how they think I learnt my english back in the US?!?!

Ripple Effects - a reply…

http://www.lakshmusings.com/musings/2008/05/01/ripple-effect/#comments

Hey Laksh….Replying to your post here instead of as a comment…

I was never asked to do the weekly enna kuliyal…though I loved the way amma used the sambrani, the smell…miss that actually (and loved it when amma used to make chutta appalam on the coal adupu after …yummy!!!)
To the hairstyling bit; again I was left to myself and my ideas as long as I did not cut my hair I did when I was in twelfth, and amma actually called my father to let him know I did that!!! An international call in those days just for this!! Huge hungamma, my dance teacher also flipped with a dance programme in the offing

Have definitely tried different lengths since then… Have my hair shoulder length right now; can let it loose; still put in a band because of the oppressive heat! Realised then, that maybe that is why letting hair loose is frowned upon apart from hair falling all over the place!

There sure is some wisdom behind all those rules most of the time which I am learning. May be some have lost their essence over time; like not using a needle after sun down…

Another happy note :)

For a change, I am entering a happy note. Two consecutive nice entries I think is probably a first for me. This time though, I am so happy for my friend who related something nice happening to her in her life.

This actually feels so much better than even something nice happening to me

Thanks a million for being my friend and sharing your happiness with me to make my day. Hope you share many more happy events with me *hugs*

Typical thought that comes to me :)

I have lot of friends and many are really close to me and I treasure each one of them. So, when somebody asks me about my best friend, there are times I am flummoxed!!! I cannot choose just one among quite the number I hold close to my heart. I also wonder when people give a long list when asked about their best friend.

Wonder whether when it comes to friendship, the term “superlative” loses its meaning…or may be the word “best” is just superlative in term…not really the one or the only one?!? So when someone gives a list of friends as being the best - is it because they are the best among the group of friends??

I just end up saying a “really close friend” instead of using the term “best friend” Maybe I am being too bothered by grammar?!? Setback of havng a literature major as a mother I suppose

This thought might sound utterly stupid (like many others!! )…but still felt I should pen it down.

Disappointments and Expectations

Ideally a life with absolutely no expectations whatsoever will be happy. Though, is it really possible to not expect anything at all?? I have this really close friend who knew about a certain event. Automatically, I expected this person to call me and find out how things went. And was disappointed that never happened. Not a peep!!?? Eventually when the question was put forth, I was reluctant to answer….felt like the person was not really interested, not bothered to find out earlier; why should I even think of relating what happened? I probably ended up disappointing that person! Eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth is it??

In effect, I realised that I could never let go of expectations in life. From minor to major ones. So, I guess I should also expect disappointments that come along with them! Or I should learn to live like a saint and not expect anything! Don’t think either of these are possible

Views

I was put into my thought mode by a remark made by one of my friends today. She remarked how funny it is to see that there are people who see you in such diametrically opposite views. I have often fretted over what the other person thinks of me (I should rather say it in the present tense! ). I have this urge to please everyone, fit into everyone’s purview. Hence am always in a dilemma

I realise that it is not funny that people have such clashing attitudes toward you - to each one’s own. Just that personally, I end up trying hard to make them see me in proper light much to my own chagrin usually. I guess like some of my well wishers tell me, let anyone think whatever they want about you or think whatever….you be who you are and do what you do. Do not bother about others unless they have been proven to really care about your welfare and earned your trust.

My problem : I trust everyone! Give people more chances if they betray the trust….then I get singed. Still have not learnt my lesson! Is it that bad to trust someone? Is it not worse for the other person to break it?? Why do I feel I am answerable to all and sundry? I get so worked up if even one individual cannot get it!  I feel irritated, depressed, angry…just go through a gamut of emotions….Do I need to feel accepted that much? Boy!! Something is wrong with me! I need help!!! and sooooon before I dig my own grave. Sometimes feel like I am halfway through already! My train of thought puts me in a really self-destructive thought process sometimes. I suppose I should be patient (as I said am far from it) and positive (again poles apart!! pessimist to the core except am such an optmist when it comes to other people )

Scrabble and thought process!!!

Ok here goes…this is how bizarre my thought process is. Was playing Scrabble with my best friend (who happens to be really good at the game!) I started the game and my letters were UIBAALP…Was trying to put all the letters on…and the only word I could come up with was ‘ABULIA’. Now don’t really know how that hit my brain at that point of time…but this is what it means….”Loss or impairment of the ability to make decisions or act independently. ” Was telling my friend I probably suffer from it She answered I was delusional. I told her I was told that I suffer from another psychiatric disorder by another who had read quite a few books on the disorder. This led to my friend telling me she has read so many books on assassinations that does not make her an expert on the matter!

This led me thinking….how we sometimes tend to read some books , or watch TV on some disease and many a times, decide we suffer from the disease!!! Was told by a friend who is a doctor that when they were students, thought they suffered from each and every disease they were studying about! At the time I heard this, I found it ridiculous!!

Just thought how weird one’s thought process can lead to really bizarre and mostly stupid conclusions. One thing though… feel nobody is perfect…it is the degree that differs in each

Now another thought I had today was overwhelming. I am so pleased that I am grinning ear to ear since I saw that two of my friends have given this to me - A-kay & Laksh.

I thank them both for making my day. Give it right back to them. I also give this to Raaga, Swaminathan , Yogs, LG, Usha, Sangi, Gokul, Kurinji, Anand, GKa, Karthik, Nana, Prasanna,…quite a few non-bloggers (list is kinda long….but lately some of them have been really nice to me and some have been the nicest people ever since I got to know them!)

Thanks a lot for being in my life and being more than nice to me.

How easy?!

Today,  I was egging a friend of mine to go on a diet & exercise regime!! Me!! A few days back, I was doing the egging to a friend preparing for an exam to study and keep with the schedule.

Realised just how easy it is to get another person going…just hard to get oneself doing just about the same things!! Atleast for me! I have just about given up a healthy schedule in life…given up on walking just half hour a day (so doable, but just not doing it!)

Been a few days since I signed up with scalejunkie. Hope that would keep pushed to get back on track. Have a long way to go where I want to be in life - physically, mentally and emotionally. When I think about that, the physical bit atleast seems doable, as it lies entirely in my hands. I need to stick with my diet and exercise plan and more importantly, I should give up on the “I want everything yesterday” attitude.

Just a side note - was watching TV the other day (nothing new in that right ) an interview of Bipasha Basu during fashion week who said that it took years for her to be toned…if it took years for her…then for a person like me!!??? Well, I might as well put in a lot of effort!!

Hope I get to where I want to be and have to be. Been lying low for way too long a time…in every aspect. I want to do this for my son and me!

Strangers? and help :)

Don’t know how often this happens to others…but to me, it is becoming pretty much a normal thing - Getting to know someone because of a mistake in the mail ID. I have made pretty good friends because someone pinged me due to mistaken identities. Then why this entry now?Today, I was offered help by someone I don’t know as he had received a mail from me meant for someone else…thanks to my mistyping the ID

When there are “friends” who actually kinda shy away from even offering help, it amazes me that a total stranger offers to help me! World needs more such people to bring a smile and make someone’s day. Thank you, stranger!

I am done!

Just wanted to vent out…and say that I am done justifying everything I have done or said (or even what I am doing). I am at the end of the rope and want to say that I did not want nor plan to be where I am right now in my life dealing with what I am.
To everyone who has had adjectives about me in one’s minds, I want to say every one is different and deal with everything in their own way. Every event might have a different kind of impact on each person and would react differently. If one had the foresight of what is imminent, one would definitely deal with things in the right way.
I was (and to an extent still get) bothered and worked up with people passing their judgement on me. Like my previous entry…they should be me in my shoes to understand what I am going through.
Don’t know where I will get the strength to face all this adversity, but I am sure I will get out of this s*** and come out smelling of roses at that!
In this same breath, I want to thank those friends of mine who have empathised and are being there for me. I want to say that I would never forget what they have done for me and don’t know how I would ever find words to thank them or make them understand how I feel.
It is easy to hurt and push some one down when they already are…and to lend a supporting hand to such is difficult and much appreciated. One can make a choice of what category one should fall in…if it is the former, one might as well shut up and do nothing - atleast not do any harm in any way. As the saying goes, one need not help; but they need not hinder in anyway atleast!