I am done!

Just wanted to vent out…and say that I am done justifying everything I have done or said (or even what I am doing). I am at the end of the rope and want to say that I did not want nor plan to be where I am right now in my life dealing with what I am.
To everyone who has had adjectives about me in one’s minds, I want to say every one is different and deal with everything in their own way. Every event might have a different kind of impact on each person and would react differently. If one had the foresight of what is imminent, one would definitely deal with things in the right way.
I was (and to an extent still get) bothered and worked up with people passing their judgement on me. Like my previous entry…they should be me in my shoes to understand what I am going through.
Don’t know where I will get the strength to face all this adversity, but I am sure I will get out of this s*** and come out smelling of roses at that!
In this same breath, I want to thank those friends of mine who have empathised and are being there for me. I want to say that I would never forget what they have done for me and don’t know how I would ever find words to thank them or make them understand how I feel.
It is easy to hurt and push some one down when they already are…and to lend a supporting hand to such is difficult and much appreciated. One can make a choice of what category one should fall in…if it is the former, one might as well shut up and do nothing - atleast not do any harm in any way. As the saying goes, one need not help; but they need not hinder in anyway atleast!

Lonely?!?

Have you ever logged on to your messengers to find none of your friends online. Checked your mailboxes to find no mail from your contacts - not even forwards….and felt lonely? I have.
Loneliness is a weird thing…it creeps up on you when you are already feeling a bit down.
Don’t know if I am the weird one or whether this is pretty natural?
I also find myself facing things all alone sometimes…though having my family and friends with me, I am sometimes hit by that feeling! I should learn how to deal with this….may be I am just being really idle. Idle mind devil’s workshop!! It keeps brewing way too many things
It is a vicious thing….loneliness and depression. Once you get depressed, everything seems so bleak…every word you hear hurts you even if said in a well meaning manner. Ruins even what one already has…

The lashing tongue!

Came across this quote “The tongue is like a sharp knife -kills without drawing blood - Buddha”. How true!! One definitely needs to think how one’s words would impact the other person!!
There is many a time when I have been so hurt by some people’s statements. Driven to extreme depression only to hear from them or someone else that they really did not mean it. I just hope to God that I have not hurt anyone by my words. I apologise to anyone who might have been hurt by me at any time….though I know that this apology will not really help if the impact is really bad! Experience speaks!
Just putting it out there that I hope to be more thoughtful before I utter anything. Hope to be more encouraging and appreciative and less hurtful (rather non- hurtful) in whatever I say! I also hope that I don’t get hurt by others comments….I am in awe of people who can just brush off anything that is in opposition to what they are or think!! The world would be so much more welcoming I guess if I could be like that
I am striving to accept my being….hurtful words kind of hit me hard and push me back in my endeavour.
As I said, this is just something that I am thinking of…just another headtrip trying to make some sense!