I have written about how I used to get annoyed/amused at how people used to be surprised that I was conversant in English when I was back in the US.

Now, I am facing the reverse of that! There are people who come up and tell me now; “oh your English is good because you were in the US for a while!” No matter how much I tell them that all I did was cook & clean all those years, they seem to stick to their idea!

Another thing; I was told I have an American accent at times. Now, I don’t know if I really have one or whether others perceive that ….like how they think I learnt my english back in the US?!?!

I pride myself in being able to be chirpy, talkative and full of energy making new friends, keeping the old ones. Today though, was  one of those days….when I have decided that I should be quiet - keep to myself…people around me also said I talk too much and that I could not keep quiet.

So, I have decided that from tomorrow onwards, I am not going to talk to anyone unless it is something vital. I have done this several times before…when I just went into my own shell; went about my work. so, gonna do that all over again

The garrulous me is going into hibernation

I log into my iGoogle page and this is the Quote of the day. How apt I thought!

When I entered my married phase in life…it was all idealistic - Death do us part types; especially having grown up thinking that marriages were forever. I never really had this Prince Charming would come etc.., type of dreams…but did think that when I got married, it would be forever.

Now after 7 odd years, and an impending divorce; cynicism fills my mind - not just about marriage, but anything surrounding it. Wonder if this cynicism would ever go away?!?

The only good thing out of this is my son I treasure. I would never give him up and hope that he grows out to be a better individual with proper values in life.

I am not really a very politcally active person - don’t really have strong view points, I just enforce my franchise (waiting on my voter’s ID now ) but…this!!!! I don’t see this as being political even…Is it just another of Mr.Bush’s gaffes??

George Bush on Indian Middle class consumption - I was pretty much outraged by this remark … Actually I also found it pretty ridiculous.

I understand that world economy is all interlinked etc.., am not much of an economist or anything close to it…Still one can just not hear something like this from a world leader!!!

Inflation is high in India too….hope there is no slugfest with leaders blaming the US for something!?! Though I guess we should expect that pretty soon?!?

Yes, this is an entry based on the movie. Big Fish was a movie I loved when I saw it the first time. Went on to get the DVD of it too (don’t have it with me like so many of my other things - thanks to someone who would no longer be in our lives by his choice)

I am mentioning this and the person as I am watching the movie on TV now. The movie is about the father- son relationship. I am keying this in with a lump in my throat that my son would not have this or anything close to it as he would not have this person around. I am wondering how I would explain his absence when A starts questioning me. I wonder if I can be both the mother and the father  as he grows up.

People say God gives only what one can handle; this still does not stop me from self- doubt. I want to give the best to A like any other parent would want to for the kid. I just hope I succeed and never let A feel like he missed something or someone ever!

I had never cried in movies….today though after watching Big Fish; I had tears in my eyes. May be I have changed?!?  I still like the movie though.

http://www.lakshmusings.com/musings/2008/05/01/ripple-effect/#comments

Hey Laksh….Replying to your post here instead of as a comment…

I was never asked to do the weekly enna kuliyal…though I loved the way amma used the sambrani, the smell…miss that actually (and loved it when amma used to make chutta appalam on the coal adupu after …yummy!!!)
To the hairstyling bit; again I was left to myself and my ideas as long as I did not cut my hair I did when I was in twelfth, and amma actually called my father to let him know I did that!!! An international call in those days just for this!! Huge hungamma, my dance teacher also flipped with a dance programme in the offing

Have definitely tried different lengths since then… Have my hair shoulder length right now; can let it loose; still put in a band because of the oppressive heat! Realised then, that maybe that is why letting hair loose is frowned upon apart from hair falling all over the place!

There sure is some wisdom behind all those rules most of the time which I am learning. May be some have lost their essence over time; like not using a needle after sun down…

I was thinking of writing something on these lines. Having attended the wedding of one of my close friends, I was thinking of how beautiful she looked in the traditional madisar. I had worn a saree for the wedding ceremony and was planning to go to the reception in a salwar, since I had a previous engagement for the same. I was told I should wear a saree. I am not a person who avoids a saree or somebody who takes pride(or thinks it is fashion) to say I don’t know how to wear one!! I love the saree. Then, who decides what to wear when?? Do all guys who come to wedding wear the traditional dhoti? This extended to other places, most of the time; there seem to be more restrictions on women and standards set to what they should wear.

Is it that clothes maketh the person? First impression is probably made by how one looks, but must that rule everything?? I am one who thinks as long as one can carry off what one wears, feels confident…why restrict or set rules about what to wear! In Madras….the notion that girls must wear a dupatta…if not she is not dressed appropriately. A saree when worn actually exposes so much more…but why should that be seen as being right, appropriate, traditional and everything else is a violation of culture even!?!?

I personally feel that the dress code should be left to the judgement of the person who is wearing the clothes - be it for a man or woman. I remember resenting my mother telling me that I must not wear skirts or sleeveless shirts after a certain point while growing up saying that I probably can manage, but the perception of the other person might not be good. She probably was being protective, but it still evoked a sense of rebellion in my mind.

I can go on and on so I better stop. Just a small addition, there was a programme in tamil in Star Vijay channel called ” Ippadiku Rose” which actually was on the same thoughts about why restrictions for women. Guess it will keep going on hitting many monds now and then on various levels

I have come across this guy…He is now a Systems analyst in a reputed firm. I was already impressed by his knowledge, zeal and willingness to help. When I heard about how he has come up….OMG!! Seems he actually had to work right after school, so he did his degree long distance while working. He has been a paperboy, did odd jobs rigt through and ended the day by doing a data entry job at night. If someone says they have their life hard cos they cannot shop for their favourite video game or a pair of shoes, they can actually get royally kicked.

Why is this so surprising? In India, I thought it was granted that kids work only after completing their graduation, and go on to their PG with their parents money. So to meet someone like this was truly a first for me. I was so impressed that I wanted to pen this down here. Hats of to this guy!!

What does one do when she wants to shout something out to the world but cannot?! Especially for a person like me who cannot keep a secret about oneself. I can do that when some one else trusts me and tells me something. That would never ever slip out. Though I am an open book…trust anyone and everyone!

Off late there have been certain things I want to tell all, write about those experiences; but I also have certain constraints now. I cannot do those! I am afraid that I would let that slip by…

What to do?!? Of course, most of my close friends do know what I am talking about

Today was a really long long day!! Decided to go out in the evening to good old T Nagar - Pondy Bazaar to be exact. Besides the day being really hot and humid, the traffic made it excruciating. Wonder if all these one ways and overhead bridges help in any way whatsoever! Feel like all the one ways just make our journeys longer and does nothing to alleviate the jams. This comes from a person who actually loves to drive around a lot. It is irritating to see people drive the way they do here and on top of it, give a hard time to those who actually follow traffic rules!?! I don’t watch movies much…but I had seen this one “Anniyan”. When I encounter hard times on the road because of rule breakers…I wonder if something would happen such that people actually obey the rules and chaos ends!! Guess I am pretty bugged

I did enjoy my shopping though