Don’t know if I have already posted this thought I have in my mind. How things in life makes you push your priorities around?! At one point in time just recently, getting to do my masters, losing weight were my major priorities. Now, just having a place to call my home has become a priority. One priority that never changed though through all this is to give the best to my son. I feel like a failure because I cannot really meet my own goals in that – I can give excuses saying, what I am talking about here is not exactly entirely my fault; but still does not change a thing.
My studies have taken a major backseat. Can’t afford neither do I have the time for it juggling the rest of my life and A’s. Losing weight – well it is becoming a major joke…even the mere thought. I should be glad if I don’t add on more because of all the stress.
There are days when I feel it better get over and I can truly move on. The days when I want to weep my heart out and want someone to just listen to me weep (a shoulder to cry on bigger than my son’s 😦 ) Off late, the latter emotion is coming through more often (Poor A!!!) A needs to grow older faster than kids his age to manage me I suppose and to really face what he has to!! I hope I don’t fail as a mother majorly 😦 Scares the hell out of me.
I am losing focus on what matter now! Taking my frustrations out on A (have no one else to do that to…poor thing!) I so want to get out of this position in life and see something nice in life for a change. As I have said, I want to get done with troughs; want to see a teeny weeny crest atleast!!! Don’t even know how I can get there! Am lost! 😦
Random Ruminations 