It has taken me a while to realise that I was in such a dead end marriage…living life as a doormat. Not that my position has improved greatly…but hoping it would soon enough. Why this post then? Well, off late, I have been told by some friends of mine; rather hinted upon that the one person I want out in my life might come back maybe (as he has not yet filed for the divorce! their ideas…), repent for his ways and I should accept him – for whatever reasons.
True, at one point, I would have done anything to stay with him. Now though, I am pretty clear. I want him out of my life and A’s. Any suggestions otherwise just infuriate me.
Don’t quite know why such things even come up especially from some who know every bit of what has transpired to the demise of my marriage. Is it Indian mentality? It took a lot out of me to get out of the trap mentally. It pains me to go through all these ideas of how he might come back, how I must forgive & forget and all that!!! Sheer agony! So…please stop! Now all I want is to get on with life with my son.
Random Ruminations 
Apar, I don’t have much insight into ur life; it’s not necessary either. I am no one to say who was at fault or whatever.
what bothered me, like I mentioned before, was the fact that he sent you and A to India saying it’s for vacation. C’mon that is plain inhumane adn cheating; it shows he basically has no integrity.thatis my take on it. May be he misses having a doormat. please, you are much more that and A should be able to look upto you. forget all this what if’s and stuff. Just live your life for you and A. remember we have only one life to live and you got yourself burnt once..
Pleasing everybody is not important..pleasing self is not a sin
God bless
shy
Apar. I’m with you. Moving on is a good thing for you and A. Also, I’m sorry that you have to endure unreasonable suggestions.
The problem with many of our dear Indians is they feel being married is the be all and end all of every woman’s life. There is some wierd sort of pride in being married..it does not matter if you live in hell..having that mangalsutra around ur neck should be sheer bliss..bah! WTG for standing up for what you know is right..i only wish there were more women like you…who do not take crap day in and day out..
Shy: I really have to adhere to pleasing everybody is not important 🙂 Thank you!
Spillay : Thanks for your support!
Rajitha: How true! I have nothing against marriages – but definitely don’t want to endure a dead end one! Thank you for stopping by 🙂
I think this post is just the ego venting off. And the ego’s wishful thinking of getting back.
The fact is: P conned you. P sent you back. P showed low integrity in saying it’s for vacation. P didn’t respond. P didn’t ask abt A.
Now, the ego wants to dish it out. “Even if P repents, the ship has sailed, I don’t want him back.”
Fact: P doesn’t repent. Given history, P probably won’t repent, one who didn’t ask about A. You won’t have the chance to get back.
This is the classic wronged mind seeking revenge. If he wants something from me, I’ll deny it. But he has planned this, should I say, diabolically?
He has kept things such that you need things from him, and not the reverse. He has severed off emotional ties, by not asking abt A. You have to pick up the threads of your life from long back. You have been wronged pretty badly, by a highly Adharmic action, and you currently cannot get back.
However, my suggestion to you is different. If you can, forgive. Understand what has happened with you. Yes, you’ve been wronged. But forgive. And let it go. Why? This is for yourself. Your own peace of mind. Forgive. But don’t forget. “Fool me once, shame of you. Fool me twice, shame on me.”
To Rajitha. A poser. What is right, and what is wrong? For us, whatever we think is right. If someone disagrees with something we strongly believe in, it’s wrong.
However, can someone disagree with you and be right?
Swami: This thought of him getting back did not even occur to me until these people started saying this. The post is an answer to those about how I feel. I probably might forgive…but as of now, no! I never thought I’d be where I am right now just a couple of months back. Though, I don’t think I would ever forget. Deception is deception! 🙂