You should move on…

OK! This is another statement I often hear. Just a reply…I am moving on πŸ™‚ trying my hardest in some areas like job (career?!?) .

Anyways, this post is really the result of a conversation I had with a friend yesterday. I was just asking her about friends I had made (Desis who work with P) It so happens a couple just had a baby. I was enquiring about them and was saying I would mail them a congrats, asking the name of the kid. My friend was like ” you know what? You should really move on!” in response to my queries.

I could not really get where that came from! I mean…does one stop being a friend because you are getting divorced?Β  I just ended up saying I would mail the couple my best wishes and if they choose not to respond…well, it is their choice!

Was wondering if moving on meant just giving up friends you made through your ex? One thing though, I should say that I am still in touch with his collegemates even now. They are really wonderful people.

In my opinion, if your partner is the one who dictates whether someone is your friend or not, I might as well not have them in that list. If they are not friends for me…who wants them anyway?

Be Strong!

The number of times I have heard this!! The concept that if I break down into tears, I am not strong is another thing. Don’t know where this concept arises from: If you cry, it is a sign of weakness. Don’t cry. You need to be a role model for your kid; so don’t show that you are sad.

Why do we have so many boundaries to the so called negative emotions? These days, people accept that it is wrong to bottle up anger, but tears – oh! please control yourself. Don’t make a scene etc..,

Where did the opinion of breaking down crying means an absolute break down come from – as in you don’t have the means to face situations thrown at you? These days, I don’t cry as much as I used to – say 6 months back. Though there are times, when I cannot hold back. It does not mean that I am weak or that I cannot face anything. Infact, once done, I still face the life that has been thrown at me.

One asked me, well, did the crying help you solve the situation? No, it did not; but there was some relief in stress once I was done. It was out and over with; and I was ready to look at the situation with a fresh set of tears forming probably πŸ˜‰ and cleansed eyes.

So, when some one cries….don’t tell them not to…instead lend your shoulder, put an arm around them to show that you understand. That someone is not weak, she (he) just needs that reassurance.

Just a note to end, to those who think I am not strong…may be in your world I am not. To me, I am. I still have hope in my life to live and succeed (the way the world perceives success) – that in itself shows that I am strong!

Envy!

I was recently accused of being jealous which of course I denied. That prompted me to find out what is the difference between envy and jealousy

Envy and jealousy are very close in meaning. Envy denotes a longing to possess something awarded to or achieved by another. Jealousy, on the other hand, denotes a feeling of resentment that another has gained something that one more rightfully deserves.

So, I should tell the accuser that I am envious. I accept. I am not jealous! I long to have a home, a job. I long to be loved & cared for.

So people with judgements on what I am or what I feel; please keep your judgments to yourself. Call me whatever, I know what I am. I am the one who is leading my life. When you give your well meaning advice, I will listen; do not expect me to take it or accept it just like that. I have my limitations. Some day, I hope to stop getting all these opinions/advice. I don’t want pity. I may sound rude but I need my space! Thank you very much!

iCards

I used to love Apple iCards. They were simple, elegant and had a range to choose from with no links to be clicked by the recipient to check out the card.

Apple has scrapped this service dealt with in this Macworld post titled ” A Farewell to iCards” (with bleeps in the video about Snow Leopard πŸ™‚ )

So, I went looking for something similar to what I like. Ended up getting here after a lot of searching… 4icards. It is from Iran. Has a similar set of cards that Apple had with some local flavoured ones.

Well, when you can’t have the best, settle for the next in line?Β  πŸ™‚ Really wish Apple brings iCards back instead of this mobileMe thingie. Pretty bugging for a person who does not have an iPhone and would probably never be able to use the services offered even if I did have one!

SI Units :)

Gee..I had forgotten this even existed. Long time since I used this; and I was faced with giving a few with symbols as answers to a test I took up recently for the post of an editor!! Don’t ask me the connection….still.

Was glad I could answer some of them at least πŸ˜€ Not proud that I got one wrong, though I did know I was wrong when I wrote the answer. To those curious…it was Luminous intensity that I got stuck with.

Just thought how one should never forget what one has been learnt; be it long time back!!

On the subject of units….came across a new one : a unit of knowledge πŸ™‚ As Google puts it : a Knol.

Knol is in its beta version. You could check out the following : http://knol.google.com/k/knol

It is Google’s Wikipedia version I suppose. Just thought would share this one. Take a break from the usual monotony of what I usually write here. Hope this break lasts for ever and ever πŸ˜‰

Trapped!

Trudging through my life currently, feels like everybody has an advice for me as to how I should deal with everything. The divorce, the joblessness, bringing up A, heartbreak, depression,dealing with my parents/friends, actually even the occasional happiness!!

Do this. No, do that! Well, I have confessed to trying to please one and all. So, pulling me in all directions leaves me just nowhere – infact at times, I feel lost! It is so easy to say live a life that you want to. Don’t bother about any one else. How many of us actually do that? How many of us do never seek approval from anyone around us?

Another thing. Live without expectations. That is the one sure shot way to never feel hurt or disappointed. Can one really do that every time? with everyone? Just now, I hung up on a friend I have known for ages. Told him I just thought, of all friends, he would have been there for me for the last week; especially with him having known every teeny weensy detail of what I was going through.Β  Disappointment does not begin to describe how I felt when he was coming up with all sorts of excuses for not having been able to return a call even. I felt angry, hurt – the whole gamut of emotions. Yes, this is a result of expectation placed on him. Well, I hope I learn the lesson of no expectations at least now! Here I was thinking am a fast learner!! πŸ™‚ Guess there are some lessons I would never ever learn! πŸ™‚

If all I have to look forward to in life is one without expectations, a life to be lived for A alone. I don’t know! I just don’t feel right about that. I will of course do the best I can for A, enjoy every success & be there for his stepping stones. Honestly though, there are times off late, when I feel trapped!

This week

This week at PostSecret…many of the post cards relate to how I feel.

http://postsecret.blogspot.com/

Check it out. One card in particular – the one about insecurities…I wonder if I drive people away from me because of my insecurities. I could be a tad πŸ˜‰ difficult especially when I go into my phase of self doubt. Just figuring out reasons. Wish I could get them all!!

The other cards that I can relate to…running away ( have nothing and want to run away πŸ™‚ ), belief in God, wishing I could use the sign and do something (but won’t…can’t…should not?!), the feeling not pretty one, learning to love oneself (think I had a huge step backward in that recently 😦 )

Thank you!

I have written about this earlier – How a person should actually walk in the other person’s shoes to realise what she is going through! Either that (which of course is pretty tough) or been through similar situations in life.

I am really lucky to have a few friends who are able to relate to what I am going through. V and A have been pillars of support to me. V having been through something similar to what I face is able to understand the emotional upheavals that I go through each day with each experience. A is right there for me. She can see what I could become, and is so routing for me to avoid that huge pitfall. I would never forget this. Ever!

Others who lend a sympathetic ear to my woes -Thank you! There are times you get it and those you don’t. Either ways, I really appreciate you all spending the time to listen to me; not judge me , push me on to get to that better space.

I really miss one person now. One( reasons unknown), who has decided not to communicate with me. He isΒ a friend I treasure, the person I feel most comfortable with, the person who made me realise what unburdening was. I just wish he reads this and knows I miss him a lot. I wish more than anything that he was back in my life.

Thank you! one and all πŸ™‚ This just seems so insufficient though.

I so want to do this!

Head in the wall
Head in the wall

This is what I so want to do!! I got this in a series of pics that Y had sent to me in a forward. This picture stood out. Can I just bury myself not just my head…but my whole self?

I am just tired of battling in my life, day in and day out!

For a change :)

Well, I have written that I am a very open, honest person. For the past few days, I have been going through some tough times emotionally.

So, why the title with a smiley? Well, usually, when I go through tough times, and somebody asks me what is up or how are you? ; I end up pouring my heart out, feeling worse and even more down in the dumps. This time, I checked myself and told a few people who enquired that I am not in the mood for conversation. That is a first for me. I don’t tell all to all; but I do end up saying how things are bad. This time though, I refrained.

Has it done me any good? Not really, cos the reason why I feel lousy still remains; but then I realise that it would remain even otherwise. Would it have helped if I had poured it out to these people? Not really, cos once again there has been only one person who has made me feel light each time after sessions of cribbing.

So, in effect I just feel slightly better that I could atleast refrain from something even if it has not helped me much. I wish I could talk to the one person I need to talk to; but then circumstances are playing havoc! Story of my life really πŸ™‚