acceptability · behaviour · emotions · friends · learning · life · opinion

Tears – Could they ever run dry?

I came across these lines in my random browsing. Don’t quite know who penned them or even where I got them. Had copied and saved them to be read later. Cleaning up files, came across this. Again these lines are way too apt for my life right now.

“In the meadow
the fantasy reveals
the echo disappears
your illusion remains

In the dark
tormented soul
the fiend
that captures my heart

the reckless soul
diabolic fiend
removing the pain
restores my bleeding heart…

The pain is very hard
i feel it every day
the images of what happened
they never go away

at times i hear voices
but mainly they’re just screams
the way i hold myself together
is a lot harder than it seems ..”

I wrote to a dear friend of mine trying to explain what I am going through. And then on I wonder, do tears every run dry? I wish they would because there is no one to hold me and tell me things would be alright, console me. I don’t know how to console myself or to just drift in the way life is taking me.

I am tired of trying to explain everything (Don’t know why I have this urge to do it to all and sundry) and I am really tired of fighting. I wish things just iron themselves out and soon because I am not sure I can hold myself together for much longer.

I don’t care if others think I am not strong (I am not and am not ashamed of saying that I want to live my life the way I want it with those I want to…). I don’t care they think I must be emotionally independent (I have not attained nirvana…and am very much human. Emotional independence can sometimes never be attained be mere mortals like me….) I am trying hard to achieve financial independence (hate it when people think I am not even trying! )

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2 thoughts on “Tears – Could they ever run dry?

  1. Apar!

    This is your’s and A’s life so you do not have to offer explanations. I am sure this situation is tougher with you being in India and relatives and neighbours offering unnecessary advice. Maybe not all is bad advice, keep an open mind, filter out the unnecessary and keep the good.

    I wish there was some way all of us could collectively fill you up with all our internal strength! That way your faith will not waver even for a second and you will achieve what you desire.

    My prayers are with you every minute. I hope A and your parents are doing alright.

    Big hugs,
    Lakshmi

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