Trapped!

Trudging through my life currently, feels like everybody has an advice for me as to how I should deal with everything. The divorce, the joblessness, bringing up A, heartbreak, depression,dealing with my parents/friends, actually even the occasional happiness!!

Do this. No, do that! Well, I have confessed to trying to please one and all. So, pulling me in all directions leaves me just nowhere – infact at times, I feel lost! It is so easy to say live a life that you want to. Don’t bother about any one else. How many of us actually do that? How many of us do never seek approval from anyone around us?

Another thing. Live without expectations. That is the one sure shot way to never feel hurt or disappointed. Can one really do that every time? with everyone? Just now, I hung up on a friend I have known for ages. Told him I just thought, of all friends, he would have been there for me for the last week; especially with him having known every teeny weensy detail of what I was going through.  Disappointment does not begin to describe how I felt when he was coming up with all sorts of excuses for not having been able to return a call even. I felt angry, hurt – the whole gamut of emotions. Yes, this is a result of expectation placed on him. Well, I hope I learn the lesson of no expectations at least now! Here I was thinking am a fast learner!! 🙂 Guess there are some lessons I would never ever learn! 🙂

If all I have to look forward to in life is one without expectations, a life to be lived for A alone. I don’t know! I just don’t feel right about that. I will of course do the best I can for A, enjoy every success & be there for his stepping stones. Honestly though, there are times off late, when I feel trapped!