behaviour · emotions · friends · life

Trapped!

Trudging through my life currently, feels like everybody has an advice for me as to how I should deal with everything. The divorce, the joblessness, bringing up A, heartbreak, depression,dealing with my parents/friends, actually even the occasional happiness!!

Do this. No, do that! Well, I have confessed to trying to please one and all. So, pulling me in all directions leaves me just nowhere – infact at times, I feel lost! It is so easy to say live a life that you want to. Don’t bother about any one else. How many of us actually do that? How many of us do never seek approval from anyone around us?

Another thing. Live without expectations. That is the one sure shot way to never feel hurt or disappointed. Can one really do that every time? with everyone? Just now, I hung up on a friend I have known for ages. Told him I just thought, of all friends, he would have been there for me for the last week; especially with him having known every teeny weensy detail of what I was going through.  Disappointment does not begin to describe how I felt when he was coming up with all sorts of excuses for not having been able to return a call even. I felt angry, hurt – the whole gamut of emotions. Yes, this is a result of expectation placed on him. Well, I hope I learn the lesson of no expectations at least now! Here I was thinking am a fast learner!! 🙂 Guess there are some lessons I would never ever learn! 🙂

If all I have to look forward to in life is one without expectations, a life to be lived for A alone. I don’t know! I just don’t feel right about that. I will of course do the best I can for A, enjoy every success & be there for his stepping stones. Honestly though, there are times off late, when I feel trapped!

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7 thoughts on “Trapped!

  1. First time here, arrived from Laksh’s blog. A very honest post on expectations and trappings. I’ve had so many experiences with friends and family where I’ve expected a prompt email reply or a call back etc. and have been let down all the time. While my hubby has become tired of telling me to let go, I am still landing myself in similar situations. Can relate to this completely. Am adding you to my blog-roll to become a regular visitor.

  2. it is easier to say that live ur life without expectations…but it is hard and i think it is human nature to expect from people we care for. It is next to impossible to live how the ‘gita’ tells us to live our lives..we have not reached those heights in our thought process…and people who claim they have no expectations are lying…coz when a person close to us does not act the way we thought they would..all of us are dissapointed.
    I don’t know what to say…but trust me it will get better. You will get to a path where you know what is going on….what makes me an authority…well i know it..sorta first hand..as someone close to me went thru something super tragic..but is now strong and independent…so will you Apar…my best wishes for you….and i shall stop the novel now 😀

  3. Mitr: Thank you for coming here :)I have checked yours out off and on from Laksh’s blog 🙂
    Rajitha: True…none of us are saints out here 🙂 I sure hope that I do become strong! not really sure about independent cos I am this very needy phase right now; where I just am that needy!

  4. Dear Apar,

    Some extremely practical suggestions from someone who has been there and was in a worse state that you are in :-)with some few more complications thrown in for good measure.

    It is possible to change anything. But first we have to make the ground ready for change.

    1. First just step away a little from the situation and see yourself. You find yourself a self pitying, cringing, clinging lost soul. The picture does not please. I was worse.:-) Now that’s not what you want to be either. It is not even what you have become. It is just the manner in which you are reacting to a situation. Think if you are someone you knew, what would have inspired you in the way they handled the situation? You wouldnt have admired someone handling it the way you are doing it now would you? Don’t ask for pity. I did too. It is a crappy thing to ask for and a crappy thing to give 🙂

    2. For a while keep the emotional element in the backburner. I am not asking you to forget it, trivialise it or even pretend. I am just requesting you to just put it aside for a short while being very firm with yourself about it.

    3. Now take a hard look at where you stand. Make a situational analysis of yourself. Take stock. Do it honestly and put it as the + and -ves in your favour. Include things like financial, educational, support or lack of it.

    3.The -ves may be loaded i agree. That’s the tough bit. Now in both sides of the lists put up priorities top down.

    4.Work on your negatives first so that the list gets licked into shape better. And work on it practically. Now this is the situation in front of you, what are you going to do? By crying, why me, it’s not fair whatever it is not going go away. Face it squarely with minimal fuss almost in a businesslike manner. The ideal job would be a 5k job? If i cant get it now, get a 1k job? Better than no job. Swallow your pride for a while even if it is tough. You will gain it all back in style your way.It is pure strategy.

    5.For a while keep your focus strictly on the top list tasks. Do not look or think of anything else. And don’t get emotional or give yourself any time to go that. That does not mean i am asking you to burn yourself out. That is the time you must reach out to friends. Not to crib or cry but get that extra jolt of positivity or energy to continue on your mission. You would surprised that everyone wants to help but many dont know how to especially when we are emotional.Also when the need is lower and your friends list is good, you will feel more energised even with a lil help from them.

    6. Check your list after three months. One, many things in your list would have disappeared or wouldnt be as important as when you made it.Time to redo the list. The things that remain ought to be respected. Now again check the + and -ves against each other. Which is longer ? When it is even getting even pull out that emotions that you had about your past and yes, even that relationship that is elusively evading you. Their ability to control you might it lower or something negligible. Or it may spark again in a better and more stable manner 🙂 Cupid that I am would be happy if that does. The other person is at moment feeling that you are clinging and the entire responsibilty of your life is on him and it scares a man. I have done that to someone so I know both from your side and his 🙂

    Be proud of the way you have gone about it and give yourself a huge pat on the back.

    What are you waiting for ? Get going girl. You have a lot to do. :-)And it is completely your life. Others can only be part of it. All the best and hey keep in touch. We are in the cheering squad remember!

  5. Helpline: Hi! Thank you! I did visit your blog when Laksh mentioned it to me. I am trying my hardest, but not really sure I am going to get anywhere. Thank you for the cheering squad 🙂 Sure will keep in touch! Will mail you or you could mail/call me. 🙂

  6. Dear Apar,

    Since you have tried all other things that many have suggested, do me a favour and just try what i have requested you to do as well. Keep me posted on the progress.

    A member of your cheering squad! [ Give us things to cheer for soon!]:-)

  7. Am only wondering if I know this friend… am fairly certain I do 🙂

    anyway… as I always say “This too shall pass”. I’m here for you should you need me.

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