The other day, I was hit by a huge bout of depression (nothing new actually!) It was around 10 pm – 10.30 pm IST. What hit me was, I had absolutely no one to talk to at that time! All my friends were busy or would be in bed and I did not want to disturb them. More than that, I did not think I could invade their world at that time.
A had gone to sleep by the time (again a surprise as he usually keeps awake real late! despite my chiding him to go to bed…so should have actually felt relieved that he slept!). Cannot disturb my old parents, don’t think my mother would have minded though. Again cannot put her into pain by sharing my agony as it seems to affect her health.
So, this distinct stab of loneliness hit me. Then the spiralling down happened. I was like if it feels like this now, how would it be down the years?! Boy! am I screwed in a huge mess in life! This is sheer hell for a person like me who cannot never stand to be alone! Don’t know how I would learn. I have written about this in an earlier post…Table for one. I guess each and every stab will help me learn the lesson of living alone. Don’t know. Am I to change my personality to learn this?! One thing I am trying is to not log on, this is the major source of contact between me and my friends.
Thanks to the few who actually cared to ask me if everything was alright 🙂