Thank you!

Thanks a lot for trying to cheer me up in response to my post yesterday. It was a lousy day. One of many; but definitely a bad one yesterday. I know every one of my friends means well.Thank you for the support.

My “attitude” has come forward thanks to all that has happened so far. I try to be cheerful and am taking each day as it comes. I don’t really want to hope for anything these days. I know I am depressed, but it is only natural after everything. I am learning not to hope for anything; I am the one who ends up hurt and undergoes the pain. Hence the no thanks, I would rather be a fatalist attitude. Tried the positive attitude, did not work.

So, I don’t know when this will end or whether it will even. As I have written many times over, cliches don’t seem to have any meaning –Β  Time will tell. You cannot go down any further. There is light at the end of the tunnel (well, at times, I really wish that was the last light one supposedly sees!)

I am existing; I live now and then when I see my son’s happiness or childishness. I am scared of hoping for him even cos when I want something, it never happens. So much I have learnt and it is definitely not because I have not tried.


12 thoughts on “Thank you!

  1. Well, I commented only today for yesterday’s post, so, I guess the Thanks is not for me! πŸ™‚

    Thanks is for anyone who care to comment on yesterday’s post πŸ™‚ So Thanks Aparna. Will mail you my number; we’ll meet up πŸ™‚

    Hey Aparna! The mail bounced saying invalid mail ID. Hmmm!!! Anyways…shoot me a mail. Will catch up from there!

  2. i think the feeling of being positive or the ‘just do it’ should come from you…it cannot be forced. It will come some day….you do have a big responsibility and i am sure you are doing a great job at it. Single parents do stress like you do…so do remember you are not in the minority. You will get stronger as days/months/years go by….make an effort in the right direction..but there is really no reason to fake it for other πŸ™‚

    I guess it should. There are days when I am high and those I am low. The latter I thought was going down. But there are triggers that bolster them right out. Don’t know about the future and thinking about it is scary!

  3. Keep the faith dear. Whatever happens and no matter how lousy u feel, don’t give up on urself. And seek happiness in little things. If u keep ur hopes pinned on one great day, the disappointment is too big to handle. Have u thought of doing meditation in morning?

    Will try Reema. Though don’t really know about meditation. Could never sit in one place for too long! More so I am impatient with everything happening!!

  4. Hi there,

    I’ve been a ‘silent’ reader of your blog for a while now. I’m amazed at the fact that you’ve retained posts from before your divorce, something that a most of us would not be strong enough to do.

    Glad to have ‘met’ someone like you and to be reading what you are going through given that I’m going thru some emotional turmoil myself.

    Chin up, this too shall pass!

    Take care,
    Jane Doe

    Hi! Thanks for speaking out to me πŸ™‚ Well, technically I am still waiting for the divorce; though in my mind it is all over. Secondly, erasing entries is not going to erase those times πŸ™‚ or so I think. I wish though I could just erase all this years out πŸ˜€ except A from there πŸ˜‰ Hope you come out of your emotional turmoil and we can talk about better times. I just don’t know how to deal with mine most of the times 😦

  5. Hi Aparna,

    Been reading your posts for awhile now though commenting for
    the first time! I think you are an extremely strong person
    and you are dealing with your turmoil as best as you can!
    Just thought of suggesting this to you..why dont you try going to the
    Art of Living course. Personally i know that the things
    they tell there, the peaceful atmosphere, the warmth of people around..
    everything relieves one of any kind of stress and scientifically also
    the breathing exercises they teach have known to relieve people of
    depression. I dont know whether you are the kind of person who would
    like to try out such things, but I will strongly recommend it to you.
    You will definitely re-discover yourself and a happiness completely
    independent of the people and situations around you. I am sorry for
    the long comment and the free unsolicited advice I am giving you, but
    I thought it will help you.

    May peace be with you.

    Thank you for taking your time to comment here. Please do not be sorry about the length. I know you wish well for me πŸ™‚ I have heard about the Art of Living, Landmark forum, Alma Mater courses. Do not really think I am in the mindset now for such things. I will probably end up reacting the way I do to well meaning advices given to me now by my friends πŸ™‚ I know it is not a good thing; but I have been thinking of doing something like this. Will definitely give it a try….just not now. Thanks a lot.

  6. Apar, my friend, I know that sometimes the most annoying thing in the world is when well meaning people try to cheer you up. There are times when that just makes things worse! What I will say is I hope you will be gentle with yourself when you are feeling this way. And, I hope it is of some comfort to have your blog friends. I do believe your son has a very caring mother. You are very passionate and introspective here, and that will come through into your life. I send you good wishes.

    Thank you Muse! I don’t know sometimes I hope sometimes I have none. And when someone catches me during the latter phase, those times are hell!! 😦

  7. Hehehe! Can I sneak in here and accept your thanks? I just commented on your last post just now! πŸ˜€
    When people try to cheer you up, they usually make a mess of it! Take Chandler B’s advice – go up on the terrace/street/balcony at 5 in the morning and spread your arms wide and stare up at the sky… Awesome mood lifter! πŸ˜€

    Sneak away Chandler πŸ™‚ Yeah…used to do that loooong loooong ago when I was younger πŸ™‚ My mood lifter though has always been a visit to the beach at sunrise or sunset – thoughtful but still a mood lifter πŸ™‚ Though been ages since I did that too 😦 Of course, now it is a stop at this place πŸ˜‰

  8. Hi, I just hopped over to your blog and I felt terrible after reading your last 2 posts. I hope you will feel better as time goes by. Time always has an answer. Wise people used to say “Do not be sad over what you lost, but feel happy with what you have!”. Easier said than done I guess. But I know you will come out of it very soon. My best wishes for you πŸ™‚

    Welcome to my blog πŸ™‚ Definitely easier said than done. Thanks a lot for your wishes πŸ™‚

  9. Apar-

    Didn’t catch up on yesterday’s post, though now I am following. You were right about keeping up the positive attitude etc. and it is absolutely normal for you to feel this way. Yes, time will definitely heal and also provide new solutions and changes. Experience is a hard teacher, it always gives you the test first and then teaches the lesson. The biggest thing that you need to pull yourself together up is for your son, to partake in his childhood and growing up. Eventually, the right answers will come to you. Don’t quit, you’ve come this far and can only succeed from now on.

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