Thank you!

Thanks a lot for trying to cheer me up in response to my post yesterday. It was a lousy day. One of many; but definitely a bad one yesterday. I know every one of my friends means well.Thank you for the support.

My “attitude” has come forward thanks to all that has happened so far. I try to be cheerful and am taking each day as it comes. I don’t really want to hope for anything these days. I know I am depressed, but it is only natural after everything. I am learning not to hope for anything; I am the one who ends up hurt and undergoes the pain. Hence the no thanks, I would rather be a fatalist attitude. Tried the positive attitude, did not work.

So, I don’t know when this will end or whether it will even. As I have written many times over, cliches don’t seem to have any meaning –Β  Time will tell. You cannot go down any further. There is light at the end of the tunnel (well, at times, I really wish that was the last light one supposedly sees!)

I am existing; I live now and then when I see my son’s happiness or childishness. I am scared of hoping for him even cos when I want something, it never happens. So much I have learnt and it is definitely not because I have not tried.