Thanks a lot for trying to cheer me up in response to my post yesterday. It was a lousy day. One of many; but definitely a bad one yesterday. I know every one of my friends means well.Thank you for the support.
My “attitude” has come forward thanks to all that has happened so far. I try to be cheerful and am taking each day as it comes. I don’t really want to hope for anything these days. I know I am depressed, but it is only natural after everything. I am learning not to hope for anything; I am the one who ends up hurt and undergoes the pain. Hence the no thanks, I would rather be a fatalist attitude. Tried the positive attitude, did not work.
So, I don’t know when this will end or whether it will even. As I have written many times over, cliches don’t seem to have any meaning – Time will tell. You cannot go down any further. There is light at the end of the tunnel (well, at times, I really wish that was the last light one supposedly sees!)
I am existing; I live now and then when I see my son’s happiness or childishness. I am scared of hoping for him even cos when I want something, it never happens. So much I have learnt and it is definitely not because I have not tried.