Ms.Winkle?! Me?

What have I been upto for the past few days? Nothing really. I have slept through most of the days except to wake up & look after A. This is way too many Zzzzzs for an insomniac like me.

I was chatting with MsChill Pill answering her query as to how my day was. She said I was catching up on my lost sleep so far with me telling her that would only happen if I became Rip Van Winkle. πŸ™‚

Wow! Would it not be great? Going some place, meeting strangers, a game of nine pins…. the liquor bit I am not so sure though πŸ˜‰ and sleeping for a couple of decades! I would look a wee bit better than Mr.Winkle I suppose – no facial hair (hopefully!!! πŸ˜€ ) Does n’t hibernation also involve weight loss? πŸ˜‰

Hmmm….now that said, what would I miss? A’s growth. That is all and that is a lot. Quite a toss up now, ain’t it?

I know I will be back to my insomnia, ranting, cribbing, enjoying A’s life and a wee bit of mine πŸ™‚ telling you all about the crazy mundane life (now that is an oxymoron – guess it is the crazy me leading a mundane life!Β  πŸ™‚ )

Roots?

In a previous post, I had written I feel like I don’t belong neither here nor there. Went on and on about how I felt like I did not belong, that I felt like having been uprooted without ever growing roots! (I know I am weird!!! )

Anyways….why all this revamp?! No big deal!! Last weekend I got something for A. It just felt like I started to feed the hoarder in me in a teeny weensy way πŸ˜‰ I had ordered for the small bookshelf

As can be seen, a lot more books to be bought for him to fill the shelf. On my things to do listΒ  now πŸ˜€

So, how can some one go get only one thing from a shop…right? Intention was to get just that! On the delivery day, A, my dad & I went there. The shopkeeper lured us into getting this….
A also wanted this chair. Guess he wanted a place to put Apu‘s mum’s gift which is that pillow on the chair πŸ™‚

Felt good doing this bit of shopping. It was as if an attempt to settle down here is being made. To try and belong?!

Now, like the sanyasi who started growing a cat…. I guess I need to start getting more stuff and something called a house to well…house all this! πŸ˜€ Too much to ask for?!

Well may be this is just the beginning to growing roots here πŸ™‚

Letter to a friend :)

Dear Nautankey!

I am so sorry! This thing is long overdue! You had awarded me and I did not show it off to others. Your nautankeyness must rub off on me a little…but sadly it hasn’t! yet!! πŸ˜€

So, thank you for giving me this lovely award. You awarded this for me leaving comments on your blog.

I must say that I love doing so. Your posts are how do I put it?! Entertaining?! and well, we all get to know what you were pondering over , you thinker!! How you were oggling at gals in our various meets instead of listening to us talk! πŸ˜‰

Your lethargic friend,

Apar πŸ˜€ (and thank you for spelling my name right when you awarded me πŸ™‚ )

———————————————————————

Now for the rules of the award you have given me for others to follow:

  • Display the Award in your page – √
  • Award them to your favourite commentators – √
  • Ask them to forward it to their favourite commentators ( oh yeah those awarded below…please do pass it forward!! πŸ™‚ ) …so √
  • And don’t forget to link their page to their names – √

So…hmm the difficult part: Passing the award!!!

This might be a long list…so please please patience required! πŸ˜€ I find many of you are really nice to me, tolerate my stupid depressions/moods! Am ever so thankful

Bhargavi, Imp’s mom, Muse, Sulz, The BeadDen, Varun, Amit, Nikhil, Praddy, Vimmuuu, Aparna, Dinesh, Reema, Vishesh (the Smiley man!), Arvind, Archana (well she is kinda new to blogging but has listened to every rant of mine in person too!!!) , Spillay, Scorpria,Β  Shy , Ms Chill Pill & Anu (get their comments over chat πŸ˜‰ ).

To those silent readers of mine, I request you to leave your thoughts behind. I may not always agree with you but it feels good that you are there reading my rants/opinions. It just makes me feel like there are people out there who care enough to hop over here and read this with all the other things they could do! πŸ˜€

A rose by any other name…

I resisted writing this post for quite sometime now. Yes, it is a post about retaining your maiden name after marriage. All the posts in the blogosphere, some bordering on the lines of obsession, have got to me! I wonder ifΒ  Mr.Dutt is actually enjoying all this publicity albeit negative. After all, it keeps him in the news and people talking, so everyone is aware of his existence!!! Don’t all politicians want to be talked about all the time?! Be he an uneducated, criminal druggie or whatever!

So, adding to all those posts out there, here is one more! Should one take the husband’s name or not after marriage? Why should anyone have a say in that? If at all, it should be the woman’s choice. I have friends who retained their maiden names, friends who have hyphenated their names with their hubbies and those who have gladly changed their names.

Why create a hullabaloo over names?!Β  People do what is convenient for them or what is required of them in their own lives! None of us have any business asking others to do what we think is right! I had an MCP tell me that I am committing a crime by not having taken my husband’s name. I told him it was my choice, if any one could ever have a say it should be P. The guy persisted with his talks which got me irritated to the point where I told him; well I will change my name if P took my last name. After all, we got married to each other. The guy was aghast! It is just my take on this. I might have changed my name; but did not. As is Tamil custom (P is Tamil), the kid takes up the father’s first name as its last name. So A is AP πŸ™‚ My nurse was amused at all 3 of us having different last names and I had to get into this long explanation of what is what!

Funny thing…P wanted A to have my last name as his! Wish it were that way now…*sigh*. Here I digress!!!

So, I just want to say….forget it!! Stupid politicians with their idiotic opinions! Who bothers? Why should one bother and give it way too much of an importance? Though I am doing it right now. It is not because of some criminal/junkie’s opinion but because I really was getting irritated with all the hoopla/the obsession etc by educated bloggers! Now I am just adding to the irritation of others I suppose πŸ˜€ Done my bit πŸ˜‰

Neither here nor there!

This post has been coming for quite some time now! I have shared this with some people I know about how I don’t feel like I belong. It was not that I felt like I belonged in the US when I was there. I was adapting to the life and learning to love the weather, the people – Many friends who were there who shared my dilemma or did not (I mean those who got the opportunity to work there).Β  It was not a great life, but it was supposedly my home. I put in my time to work on it, decorate & maintain it. Put in thoughts to make it feel like a home – welcomed friends to home cooked meals, hopefully made them feel nice. I did not like American football. To me, football would always be their soccer. Though, I was initiated into it by a friend who taught his kids’ school teams. I remember one time when we had friends over for the Superbowl when the guy taught P the nuances of the game and he was surprised I had picked up so much in just a conversation in some summer barbeque. We had watched the game over Indian food, red wine & awesome cheese,Β  pleasant company.

I digress….anyways…the point is after almost 5 or 6 years, I guess I had actually grown roots there. Fast forward to now! I am living under my aging parents roof facing divorce (phew …even I am tired of saying “soon to be ex” when I talk about P) I have been hearing about how he has been packing my stuff since Dec ’06, how he has been talking to the lawyers since only he knows when!! I am yet to receive the papers or our stuff! Life has been weird here. Bittersweet in a way. Found new friends in fellow bloggers. We connect well. They care a lot for A & me….still I feel lonely. Desparate. Feel like I don’t belong here now. Another 5 year haul to grow roots here with A in tow?! I am scared of facing this conservative society – when they hear of divorce it is my fault! At 32, without many skills to boast of , I don’t know where I am headed. I have realised that it is each to one’s own. Everyone is busy, they have their lives. I was one who let go of everything if a friend asked me for help or just called to talk. Guess, back in the US, friends become family. Here I have a family. They are concerned…I know that but are not always considerate because of their own circumstances. Friends are at a loss for even words. No one knows what to say. I am not trying to play the victim here and enjoying it as one person told me. Believe me it is not fun being the victim. Just plain fact that things are not easy. I feel like I don’t belong.

I feel like I left my friends behind there but when I read their blogs or chat with them, I no longer relate to them or their lifestyle/attitude even. I feel like I have no one here in India. I know my parents would rather not have me here at their place; but they are glad I am not somewhere suffering alone. They can’t do much but they can provide a safe shelter. They don’t know what they must do except know that their daughter & grandkid must not suffer. I don’t speak much to my parents because it mostly ends in confrontations ( a whole different post…probably will never get written!) I am just tired of being the depressed person that needs to crib to friends. I feel like I am pushing them away. They don’t know what to say because I don’t want to hear clichΓ©s or talk about karma /God/ time. Nobody can really help me out in a way either.I know I have A. Though I know that he right now is more of a responsibility; I cannot think of how I would manage if P stops sending the money that he is sending me right now! What then? My parents have no income and are living off their savings. So, A, unless I am financially stable, makes me think I made a huge mistake having him. Live in the present people might say….then when I am broke tomorrow, how do A & I live?

Just a day when I think it must all end!

What is wrong with me?!

Something is definitely wrong with me! Senility catching up? Anxiety? Alzheimer’s? What is it?!

Yesterday I was back in my most depressed state. Cried after quite a while. Don’t know why? Something hit me that my life has not changed one bit? I realise that attitude can make you happy for that day; it does not change your life in any damn way (sorry!) I enjoyed my outings with my friends. It just put my troubles at a back burner. Did not switch it off!! I cried to a couple of friends yesterday. I guess I just made them feel more helpless as there seems to be no solution.

I can’t believe that I actually wrote 2006 on a cheque I issued instead of 2009!!!! It was not 2008 like many who might since it is still the first month of the year…but 2006!!! I don’t swear much…but this certainly is like WTF moment!! Chatting with another friend today, I meant to type “not very interesting” and ended up typing “not very boring”!!! These are 2 of the goof ups I have done in the last few days.

What is wrong?! This too shall pass? I don’t know!! Thankfully, I did not make a fool of myself at the 6 month review of A at his school! 6 months of school done with already!! For those interested,Β  seems he is quite a smart kid who has his moods (well those who know him…I suppose would say “duh!!” πŸ™‚ ) I have to get him to write his letters and get him used to writing was the feedback. Though, I felt like it was the standard feedback given to all the parents. Make your kid practice writing. I saw some of A’s girl friends. One of them left her mum to come dote on this guy! What does A have? hmmm?!?! Just wondering! Well…I suppose the first of many to come πŸ˜€

So, I don’t know what is in store tomorrow?! or the day after…or the days to come. I just want to sometimes yell saying I am totally tired of life or the lack of it! (was my status on facebook too) When will these mood dips end?! Feel the answer is never!

Pongal day

Yesterday was Pongal/ Sankranti or Lohri depending on which part of India you hail from.Β  So woke up pretty early (by A’s & my standards that is πŸ™‚ ), took part in the festivities at home; had a sumptuous lunch. I should add that I did my work out too (kinda proud about that! so, patting my own back πŸ˜‰ )

Then started the whirlwind wondrous evening. Co-ordinating the arrival of bloggers to meet at Kafeoke. The place was suggested by Praddy who blogs here. Full credit to him to have suggested the place (Praddy…is that enough credit? ) We all sung our lungs out. The place is closing down as of February 1st. We plan to hit the place again before that. Crossing fingers. For those curious we sang Alice, Summer of 69, Wake me up before you go go. The hits though were the following :

Kasumela from Kadhala Kadhala

&

Viduthalai from Iruvar

Thanks to G …Mr.Bedazzled πŸ™‚ for the suggestion to sing a ghana type song.

The motley crew then headed to Aparna’s place who blogs here . Her mom had an awesome spread waiting for us in her beautiful home. All of us there were floored by the company, the home & the food. Aunty was wonderful teaching us to make akki roti. Guess what a bunch we were, we even ate the burnt one πŸ™‚
The menu was a wonderful special juice, salad, gojju, phulka, puliyodhare, hunse saaru, beans, curd rice, home made picke & mor milagai with carrot halwa. Served on a palm leaf plate, we wiped all the dishes clean!
A loved the whole outing right from the beginning to the end! He of course was spoilt rotten, blowing bubbles, balloons for him, a special gift from aunty for him (Thanks aunty!) He was so tired that he went right to sleep on the drive back and woke up late this morning!!!

So, now do I have all those who did not join us green with envy?! Good!!Β  Vimmuuu, Arvind & MN you guys missed out an awesome evening ( I am really running out of adjectives to describe the evening now! )

An evening of singing, laughing, making new friends, hogging! Hoping for more of these!! πŸ™‚ Well, I am glad I did my workout though I think the hogging cancelled out everything and pulled me back…but what the heck, right? πŸ˜€ Carpe Diem πŸ™‚

Too many smileys post! πŸ™‚

Wonderful weekend!

Had a wonderful weekend. To start with, I have kept to my “resolution” to keep healthy – as in keep to my work out schedule of walking at least 2 miles every day. This weekend makes it almost 10 days πŸ™‚Β  Back to weekend doings; we – A, fellow bloggers (some of them…one was studying or should I say “studying”, one ditched us after asking literally a detailed map to get to a well-known place!, one was working, one said she would come and then dropped out…but quite a number of us did turn up!)Β Β  went to learn & enjoy French folk dancing. It was a 2 hour workshop that was held at Alliance FranΓ§ais de Madras. Thoroughly enjoyed it. Met some interesting people, learnt the dances, had a pseudo work out, had fun and a few laughs! πŸ™‚ Finished it off with a dinner at Pizza hut. Came home really late to freak my mum out! πŸ˜€ Thus went Saturday.

Sunday- woke up late. Made A do his homework. Had a yummy lunch at home. Headed to the Chennai book fair. Again company was a group of bloggers (ok…now no one jinx us…touchwood!! πŸ˜€ ) The place was packed. We almost felt claustrophobic. A wanted to get out asap. We all piled out after some meagre purchases (probably A’s way of tightening my purse strings!) and headed to Aaarti’s place. Hung out there for a while chatting & pulling each other’s legs (more Bedazzled & her hubby this time πŸ™‚ ) ditching plans to hit the Chennai Sangamam that is happening because we all were pretty tired. Will hit that event some time soon.

So my facebook now says “ had a wonderful weekend! πŸ™‚ looking forward to saying that about life in general :D” as my status message πŸ™‚Β  Thanks to fellow bloggers, am being a bit sane. Hope they don’t run a mile or more away from me the next time they hear from me πŸ˜‰

Revelation of the weekend: my son A is way better than me and has proven it many a times – there were a few moments where one had to wonder who the adult was! πŸ˜‰

Balance Sheet – 2008

Taking the cue from Sulz here; I took this up about almost a week after New year’s day. A balance sheet of sorts of the past year.

What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
Met a whole bunch of strangers and became friends with them πŸ™‚

Did you keep your New Year resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Did not make any and no have not made any πŸ™‚

Did anyone close to you give birth?
My close friends from school. Seems like a season for girl babies – both had girls.

Did anyone close to you die?
ThankfullyΒ  – No.

What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
Job, love, happiness, peace of mind… long list eh?

W
hat countries did you visit?

None

What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why:
June 10 for the most memorable conversations I have had in my life.
June 25. Well, not ready to say why yet here!

What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Staying alive?Β  managing to smile?

What was your biggest failure?
Last year? not finishing what was started…but I don’t know if it was entirely my failure πŸ™‚

Did you suffer illness or injury?
No. Does depression count as illness?

What was the best thing you bought?
My “bike” πŸ™‚

Whose behavior merited celebration?
All my friends who have stood by me and my moods. A for being an exceptional kid! (Guess all mothers would say that about their kids?!)

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Quite a few.

Where did most of your money go?
A’s school πŸ™‚

What did you get really, really, really excited about?
June 25 and the promises offered! πŸ˜€

What song will always remind you of 2008?
Hmm…
The world to changeΒ  by John Mayer (well, at least my tiny world…this song is more for the title I suppose πŸ˜€ )


or
Nobody’s perfect by Miley Cyrus

Compared to this time last year, you are:
Living with no expectations or hope.

What do you wish you’d done more of?
Lots ofΒ  things on that list!

What do you wish you’d done less of?
Impulsive actions &Β  whining

How will you be spending New Year’s Eve?
Spent it on the train coming back to Chennai

How would you sum up your 2008 in one word?
Horrible

Did you fall in love in 2008?
Yes.

How many one-night stands?
No way!

What was your favorite TV program?
House MD

Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Hate is a strong word. No….no one.

What was the best book you read?
Unfortunately did not read much last year…mostly fiction if I did. All were to pass time, so don’t really want to rate them!

What was your greatest musical discovery?
Nothing significant.

What did you want and get?
Want & get ?Β  hmmm….

What was your favorite film of this year?
Watched quite a few – liked all. πŸ™‚

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you (optional)?
Nothing much on my birthday. Turned 32

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Tied up all the loose ends?

What kept you sane?
My son A

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Nope – never fancied celebrity/public figures!

What political issue stirred you the most?
Terrorism in India.

Whom did you miss?
Still do….hoping to get a word! and probably will not

Who was the best new person you met?
All my blog friends πŸ˜€

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008:
Do not trust or believe people as easily.

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
Again have to think about this one…
Maybe Find yourself by Brad Paisley!?

I guess a lot of things did happen and yet did not last year! πŸ™‚

Horoscopes

I had a really pleasant evening yesterday with fellow Chennai bloggers on the beach –Β  which involved a variety of topics, pulling each others’Β  legs (well, some were more the victims than others πŸ™‚ ) etc.., . The major topic though happened to be astrology – Moon signs, sun signs, stars, behaviour, compatibility and the likes. This is a topic that I like and find intriguing though am not so knowledgeable. Do I believe in the whole thing? The Libra mind wavers from one end to another. There are times I do, and those I don’t. Nevertheless, do find the subject interesting.

So, to people who are piqued like me; you can get your charts and astrological info here. That is one of the many sites which offer the birth charts free based on the information provided.

The information required:

Name
Date of birth(D/M/Y)
Time of birth
Time zone
Place of birth (actually the latitude and longitude – used good old Google to get that info πŸ™‚ )

You could get either a south Indian chart or the north Indian version as per your choice.

Now, that the chart is done, I will try figure out the mystery behind those planets πŸ™‚ If readers out there know of sites that can set the ignorant me on an enlightening path – please show the way πŸ˜€

Parting note…thanks to all my blog friends A & I had a wonderful evening yesterday. Hopefully more to come this year πŸ™‚