analysis? · behaviour · emotions · friends · life · questions

What is wrong with me?!

Something is definitely wrong with me! Senility catching up? Anxiety? Alzheimer’s? What is it?!

Yesterday I was back in my most depressed state. Cried after quite a while. Don’t know why? Something hit me that my life has not changed one bit? I realise that attitude can make you happy for that day; it does not change your life in any damn way (sorry!) I enjoyed my outings with my friends. It just put my troubles at a back burner. Did not switch it off!! I cried to a couple of friends yesterday. I guess I just made them feel more helpless as there seems to be no solution.

I can’t believe that I actually wrote 2006 on a cheque I issued instead of 2009!!!! It was not 2008 like many who might since it is still the first month of the year…but 2006!!! I don’t swear much…but this certainly is like WTF moment!! Chatting with another friend today, I meant to type “not very interesting” and ended up typing “not very boring”!!! These are 2 of the goof ups I have done in the last few days.

What is wrong?! This too shall pass? I don’t know!! Thankfully, I did not make a fool of myself at the 6 month review of A at his school! 6 months of school done with already!! For those interested,Β  seems he is quite a smart kid who has his moods (well those who know him…I suppose would say “duh!!” πŸ™‚ ) I have to get him to write his letters and get him used to writing was the feedback. Though, I felt like it was the standard feedback given to all the parents. Make your kid practice writing. I saw some of A’s girl friends. One of them left her mum to come dote on this guy! What does A have? hmmm?!?! Just wondering! Well…I suppose the first of many to come πŸ˜€

So, I don’t know what is in store tomorrow?! or the day after…or the days to come. I just want to sometimes yell saying I am totally tired of life or the lack of it! (was my status on facebook too) When will these mood dips end?! Feel the answer is never!

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17 thoughts on “What is wrong with me?!

  1. Hi I just came across your blog post on the wordpress dash board.
    Being a mother of two wonderful children that are however a bit of a handful ( my 8yr old son has Aspergers)
    Can be hard work. Then there is all the day to day stress of life! Sometimes I sit and think “what have I got to look forward to?” everyday is the same where is this all heading? I find myself crying for no reason or I cry at something that’s rather silly like a tv program that was not intended to be sad but funny. All these things happen when I’m or have slipped into depression. This is when something has norm happened in my life and causing me a heck of a lot of stress and I’m just not aware of it at the time:(
    It sounds to be you are pretty depressed right now! Even though I’m not a doctor I know it’s not something you should be going though over a longer period of time. Have you spoken to your GP?
    I wish you all the best good luck
    Clairelouise.

    Welcome here Clairelouise! Yes, I have been treated for depression nothing now though. Going through life changing situations – aka separation/divorce, starting my life from scratch with no real improvement as I have blogged about here before. There are days and there are days! Yesterday was one of those! I felt a bit lonely & the loser phase crept in; hence the bawling! Thank you for your wishes! Wishing you the very best with your kid. I just read up on Aspergers! omg!! No wonder you are stressed! Wondering more if God exists!!!

  2. Hi..I read your first blog post few days back and then dug up your archives and read all !! U know why ?? ‘Cos I am sailing in the same boat..going through a similar phase(separation/ divorce) as you..
    Was prompted to comment today because of what you wrote, which is exactly what I experience these days “Attitude can make you happy for that day; it does not change your life in any damn way “…

    Welcome here S! This is one of the reasons why I blog…to know I am not alone in my misery. No it does not help in any way but we can help each other because we probably can relate more to what we are going through! Here is to hoping things get better for both of us and we can share happy moments! Keep in touch…you can mail me at myheadtrip@gmail.com

  3. hey don’t be too hard on yourself. i know what you mean about attitude and what it does to your life (nothing except how you see it). we’re not like some people who are perpetually cheery and optimistic. that’s okay. we can try to be but if we can’t then we can’t.

    as for the silly mistakes you made, don’t think about it too much. i’m sure if anybody was there to witness it can’t remember by now too! don’t worry, with time, the longer it’s behind you the less it will matter in the bigger scheme of things in life. just that now it’s still a big deal to you probably. πŸ˜›

    hope things could look up a bit this week for you.

    Yeah we go through the whole spectrum of moods!! I guess now I have a reminder of those stupid mistakes when I see my blog! πŸ™‚ It is not a big deal but as I said it is just 2 of many!! I hope things look up too…for all of us and we don’t go into those lousy moods for too long!

  4. So how many girlfriend’s has A got? i told u chicks will fall flat for his brooding , intense demeanour !! hee hee..and chins up!!!!!..

    I lost count of his GFs πŸ™‚ Just know that all of us will have a lot to deal with πŸ˜‰ Yeah…just be ready to listen to more bawling!! πŸ™‚

  5. LOL,again enthagalathu pasanga(A) really…looks like my policy of not going out till 18,isn’t going to be followed πŸ˜› LOL,if you want to get cheered up,here to him talking about something πŸ™‚

    Which era do you live in?!? πŸ™‚ Yeah he does manage to cheer me up sometimes! πŸ˜€ ok…all the time πŸ™‚

  6. Yeah like yesterday I typed 1000000/- instead of 1000/- so do I find that much in my bank account?
    Repeating what Archie above says, ‘perfection breeds contempt – don’t give up on us mortals yet!’

    Glad to note I have company! πŸ™‚ Would it not be great to find that amount and more? πŸ˜‰

  7. ((((hugs)))) to you, Apar. One of my husband’s brothers is also just in the process of a divorce. It is so hard to see how much he is hurting but trying to keep a brave face. I’m so sorry that you are feeling down. 😦

    I know it is easy to say, in time, things will be better.Because it sure doesn’t feel like it when you are the one experiencing the heartbreak.

    Thanks BD! I don’t know why sometimes!! I wish I had the answers about why when & how!!

  8. Apar, depression is something like a condition. One gets used to living with it and gets better at managing the moods and the crying jag. Feels like shit though. I went through it and the doctors treated me for thyroid!!! Go figure! I sometimes think insane stuff just homes in on me. What worked for me was spirituality and I meditate as if my life depends on it. May be it does. Hang in there …. you are not alone

    I am not in that spiritual mode yet neither do I trust drugs! Boy am I screwed!! I have no choice…will hang in and thanks Ritu! πŸ™‚

  9. Theres nothing wrong at all, apar ji! You are just being absentmind, please dont relate it to anything else in life!

    The other day I forgot my ATM pin number and got my card locked inside the vestibule. You wont believe, it was just a day before when i withdrew cash from the same vestibule with the same card keying in the same pin. and imagine, I had been using that card since 2007 !! So chill, everythings gonna be alrite. Please dont let yourself down for all these. and why worry when we are all there for you and A?

    Thanks Vimmuuu! Did you also get locked in the ATM a la Chandler in Friends style? That would have been fun πŸ˜€ Yeah I know all of you are there and sometimes I just feel extremely lonely facing the big bad world!

    Take care.

  10. hugs apar!hang in there, it’s going to be over this year and it is a new beginning for you and A. My prayers, God bless
    shy

    Thanks Shy! Hope God if present hears some one at least!!

  11. Definitely a very interesting analysis of your Alzheimers… It’s definitely Alzheimers! πŸ˜€
    Chillax… A and his girls will cheer you up! πŸ˜€

    Oh I remember how you freaked out about Alzheimer’s!! As I told you, just want answers!! πŸ™‚ I do also remember I must read your blog when I feel down….or just plain call one of you

  12. Easy to say this..but just dont even think what is in store for tomorrow, just take things by a day..enjoy each day as if there is no tomorrow.

    so when is the next blog meet πŸ˜‰ ?

    So when and where is the next blog meet?!!?

  13. It’s not as bad as asking you boss “Who’s that?” when she says “Hows your husband?” (and it’s been just 2 months πŸ˜€

    Cheer up! πŸ™‚

    πŸ˜€ I know you are going through a different kinda whirlwind!! oh boy!! πŸ˜€

  14. it mite be easy to say but chillax madi! πŸ˜€

    Yup just as you said…easier said than done sometimes. Though fellow bloggers help immensely to chillax πŸ™‚

  15. dont worry about Alzheimer’s! when mind is distracted and tensed, one tends to fumble.

    No Reema! Not really worrying about Alzheimer’s….just wondering why so many stupid silly mistakes!! πŸ™‚

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