This morning I was playing catch with A. He is not that good at catching smaller objects…. This set my mind thinking (nostalgia struck! flashback!!!)

Having entered middle school, entering a team seemed a big thing. I tried out for kho-kho and throwball. Both were held the same evening. I must say here that I just vaguely knew what the games were. Assumption there would be some sort of training. What I was remembering distinctly was the try out for the throwball team. All I had to do was throw the ball from the boundary and it had to cross the net. We were supposed to get 3 tries. We were given only one!! None of the 6th standard (/grade) kids were chosen for that year. I remember how the captain of the team (an 8th standard gal) said ” You gals cannot throw the ball across the net, and you dream of making it to the team” and she sniggered. Β It struck me hard.

I asked my neighbour uncle to help me. He and other older neighbours played volleyball every sunday morning in an over-sized court. He helped out. By a little while, I could really throw the ball from the boundary of the oversized court Β – right across the net. Obviously I tried the next year to make it into the team. Did get selected. Guess what? I had to actually control the power in my serve such that I don’t serve the ball that landed outside!!! I made it as captain of the team when I passed out of school.

Why all this story? I was wondering where that girl has gone? That girl who got hurt and fought back, trained for what she wanted and got it. Did well in what she got (fairly well πŸ˜‰ We lost some matches in the inter-school competition!! :D)

Is this what my friends who know me from ages back refer to when they say “the Apar I knew”. Has she disappeared? Has age mellowed her down? Has she become a plain old quitter?! There are days when I think “nah!! I am still here, I am still fighting and doing the best I can.” and there are those when I would tell myself ” Those days are long gone. This is what it is. Nothing can change it!”

I wonder if this is a case of cascading thoughts. Linking absolutely independent events and worrying unnecessarily. May be it is trying to figure out what the heck I am doing or where I am going in life!! Whatever it is…decided to key it in.


12 thoughts on “Where?

  1. Most definitely that is the Apar I would love to see more – that post made me smile. Also, now I am rest assured that you will find your footing in your life – I don’t have to worry about you πŸ™‚

  2. how life shows us signs… we must look at them to realise them… πŸ™‚

    and act on them too….

    I had to actually control the power in my serve such that I don’t serve the ball that landed outside!!! πŸ™‚ think about it….

  3. ahhh… there is light at the end of the tunnel πŸ™‚ ur getting there babe… ditto to oorja’s comment… life shows us signs, its up to us to recognise them and act on them.

  4. Those are wonderful stories about how you learned to play “powerball”! πŸ™‚ Good for you! Once you have an experience like that, you also have the ability to embrace those qualities again. You’ve had a few setbacks in recent years, and are not quite where you want to be. But I applaud you for blogging about this because it means you are starting to tune back into those strong, fearless qualities that you expressed. Go, Apar!

  5. I enjoyed this well-written post. It’s funny how when we are young, we don’t have so many negative thoughts lashing us down and keeping us from doing something we want to achieve. Through time, though, we all face adversity and negativity in our lives that do start to wear us down. I imagine them to be like giant cobwebs we accumulate slowly that hold us back. I think it is so important that everyone, no matter what their age, take a few moments or hours every so often to just go on a little brain vacation where we can visualize those fetters being broken from our bodies, no longer able to stop us from achieving our desires. I also think that physical activity, like your ball playing, adds much to our feelings of power and ability and help us gain confidence so it is so fitting that it was a big part of this post. I don’t know the “old Apar” that others may have known. But I have no doubt that the Apar I have met on this blog can be whatever type of Apar she wants to be. πŸ™‚ Hugs to you!

  6. Hello πŸ™‚ My first time here. And the mention of ‘kho-kho’ so made me comment. Used to play in school for all the inter-house competitions. Those were the days!! *sigh*

    Came here from ‘Me’s blog after reading your comment about ‘that’ thing πŸ˜€ Looks like we know quite a few bloggers in common. Small blog world πŸ™‚

  7. It’s all a part of growing up dontcha think? We retain some, we loose some…

    Chill Apar! We shall start playing Volley Ball next time we all meet up.

    I’ll be the umpire (ss) ofcourse!

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