This morning I was playing catch with A. He is not that good at catching smaller objects…. This set my mind thinking (nostalgia struck! flashback!!!)
Having entered middle school, entering a team seemed a big thing. I tried out for kho-kho and throwball. Both were held the same evening. I must say here that I just vaguely knew what the games were. Assumption there would be some sort of training. What I was remembering distinctly was the try out for the throwball team. All I had to do was throw the ball from the boundary and it had to cross the net. We were supposed to get 3 tries. We were given only one!! None of the 6th standard (/grade) kids were chosen for that year. I remember how the captain of the team (an 8th standard gal) said ” You gals cannot throw the ball across the net, and you dream of making it to the team” and she sniggered. It struck me hard.
I asked my neighbour uncle to help me. He and other older neighbours played volleyball every sunday morning in an over-sized court. He helped out. By a little while, I could really throw the ball from the boundary of the oversized court – right across the net. Obviously I tried the next year to make it into the team. Did get selected. Guess what? I had to actually control the power in my serve such that I don’t serve the ball that landed outside!!! I made it as captain of the team when I passed out of school.
Why all this story? I was wondering where that girl has gone? That girl who got hurt and fought back, trained for what she wanted and got it. Did well in what she got (fairly well 😉 We lost some matches in the inter-school competition!! :D)
Is this what my friends who know me from ages back refer to when they say “the Apar I knew”. Has she disappeared? Has age mellowed her down? Has she become a plain old quitter?! There are days when I think “nah!! I am still here, I am still fighting and doing the best I can.” and there are those when I would tell myself ” Those days are long gone. This is what it is. Nothing can change it!”
I wonder if this is a case of cascading thoughts. Linking absolutely independent events and worrying unnecessarily. May be it is trying to figure out what the heck I am doing or where I am going in life!! Whatever it is…decided to key it in.