Comfort zones

How easy is it for one to just fall into these comfort zones?! We do crib about them – oh the pain of getting up early, battling that terrible traffic, those deadlines at work so on and so forth. Though it all hits you that it is better to be complaining about something like that, be in that comfort zone rather than be out there looking for something to do.

I am now in that mode. Back to being out of the job I have held for the past 10 months where in I complained about all the politics there – but heck I had a job! My comfort zone is gone, I have no safety net either. Now it is back to sending out resumes. Feels so much like déjà vu. People who have been following this space would be quite familiar with a similar post earlier.  Anyways, am here, am looking for a job yet again. Same problems as before – oh I am a bit older than before (not necessarily wiser 😉 ). Out of the comfort zone of just getting up, getting things ready, heading out to work to posting my resumé, waiting for that elusive job! I guess in a while I will be back to being at home, sleeping the entire day just so that I don’t feel depressed only to be up with A.

It is so easy to say – start afresh. Don’t bother about the past. Is it all in just my mind? When I go face an interview(if called for that is…) will it be acceptable to say “oh am starting afresh!” ?! I realise that it is not just about me stepping out of my zone; it involves the others doing so too. I cannot expect that to happen – that is not realistic nor practical.

Being jobless, just put me back to where I was about a year back. Count my blessings?! well -A for one (?! sometimes I do see him as a more a responsibility alone!), friends who are still there to endure me & my mood swings …

I now should stop hoping for better things but start to hope to get the mindset of accepting that this is all there is to life. I was wrong in saying A is only a part of my life. Everyone out there wins!!! Yes, he is all there is to my life!

Please do not tell me that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. There are better things to come. God has something good in store. Great things are to come for those who endure all this! God has his own plans. There cannot be only downs, time for you to go up…. and all that. Heard all these way too many times. I know all that is said to make me feel better, hopeful. NO!!! it does not! It makes me feel angry, then depressed! I do smile/laugh/ be stupid but… this intense void is still there.

Funny thing is: Astrologers who read my horoscope (each and every one) have said I will have a great career life!! – wonder where that is?! I don’t even have a job!!!