acceptability · analysis? · behaviour · emotions · friends · life

I crave normalcy

This morning my WordPress App pinged me to say there is a new post… Normal is boring said the title. I never miss reading a post on Saying it Aloud  whether I comment or not 🙂

Now having read the post, and considering what is happening in life now, I crave for what people say is normal. I wish I had followed the “normal” path. I wish I have not been hatke (hindi).

I wish I just was not fighting each day to prove. I don’t even know now what I want to prove to whom! To prove to me that life is worth living?!?

The last few days/weeks have been making me think I should go back and probably start somewhere in high school to change the route I had taken…..gone the way most of my peers went taking up either engineering or medicine. Fine I didn’t then, may be I must have stuck to my major & went on to do my post graduation. – Pointless thoughts I know!!!

I guess in all, I wish I had never married especially the way I did & stuck to my career path then. Yes, I would not have had A!!! May be he is better off without me who right now is feeling like I have failed in every single thing and I am tired, exhausted.

I wish for a normal life. A boring life –  so be it. I wish to get off the roller coaster. I feel sick of it. I do not want to be an outlier.

I know that even as I pen all this down, I am also thinking more off the ordinary for the problems I am having in life right now. Wondering what is in store and throwing my hands up saying I cannot take anything any more!

Hope A has a normal life at least as he grows up. Methinks he has enough of not being normal!!

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4 thoughts on “I crave normalcy

  1. I hear ya Apar. Me wishing for a ‘normal’ life for you too. Being an outlier for far too long is no fun. Specially when some of it is not your choice.

  2. Some of us are NOT meant for normal lives. Plus, normal is subjective n? 🙂

    ..and why do u say it’s too late for you to start where you felt life veered off course? After 2 undergrad degrees (neither in my dream path) and one graduate degree in yet another, am debating on going back to study and get back to at least recovering half of my dream. Yes, it will be 20 years late, but hey, I did it. Regret is not a pleasant companion, o the long haul.

    1. Hi Rads…thanks for stopping by. I really wish I had the privilege of going back to study. I do want to….though I really doubt if I ever will! Circumstances right now tell me that life ahead is something that is going to be real tough. I just am hoping to get through just that! 🙂

      Normal of course is subjective…. very true that!! 😀 I am normal to me and may be somewhere in the world too 😉
      Btw, in awe that you have done 2 UG and a grad course. Please do go back to studying if it helps recover half the dream of yours!! All the best!

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