Is it just me? I am told that I think too much, over-think and what not! I am just worried about making more mistakes and messing things up for me. More importantly, I do not want to mess things up for A.
I am facing a crucial decision. Do I leave A here with my parents to pursue my so-called career? Do I change things yet again, take him along (struggle with the nightmare of school admissions in India, after school care with me working late almost every day)? Do I not take this up, quit & find something else to do (have nothing right now with not many prospects for a person like me)? Is my so-called career that important?
I may be mad. Questions bog my mind down. I really am tired of trying & failing over and over again. I am scared! This is a time I wish I did not have A in my life so it would not make a difference even if I failed.
On a different note…..What is it with some people?! They behave a certain way. If you do the same to them, they are all how can you? What is wrong with you etc..?! I am just tired of social interactions even. People seem to want to interact just if they want to. I am tired of people who I now feel are so superficial, artificial!! I find way too many people treat others as “use & throw”. Any kind of relationship seems to come with an expiry date! It is scary to even think of becoming someone’s friend. One wonders when will one become unnecessary…. ready to be thrown away! May be I am just tired of being the one who tries to keep it going – pinging/mailing/calling. At a point, I do feel like am I that desperate? Why can I not just not bother and only answer if the other contacts me?! Everyone does seem OK with this on & off kind of behaviour at all levels of relationships! I am not!!!
I guess it is just me!! I don’t know when this will end? My never ending questions & doubts….. probably when I end?! May be people like me should be extinct?!?