It is obvious like a huge neon sign right up in front of you. Yet, you hesitate to take that decision. Though here I am talking about knowing that taking that plunge is wrong for you….and yet you go do that. What stops you from not going there?
It can be something as inconsequential as unfriending someone on Facebook or deactivating that account. May be it can be as life changing as leaving a marriage, quitting a dead-end job…
Can all this just be generalised to not rocking the boat or “comfort zone”? All agree that change is inevitable, yet all of us resist change (of any kind…sometimes even when we know it is good! ) What stops us?
This is one of the major topics that I have been mulling over. Yes, it is in continuance to my previous post. I am not sure I am taking the right decision. Wise people around me are divided. My intuition tells me that I am doing it all wrong…. Gut instinct says it is the path to disaster (rather feel it is disastrous not just to me but also to my dear son!). These thoughts are making me irritable, depressed, anxious. Certainly not a good place to be in.
I am actually tired of thinking of pros & cons of everything. Unfortunately the fear of what is going to happen is making me think of all that already has. People ask me to move on. I wish I knew how, because basis of what is happening is my past. Every time I see my son, I am proud of what he is & wish the best for him for the future….but he does remind me of our past! I wish our memories were like a computer & a mere shift-del would just delete everything. There are times I wish I were spiritual and I believed that everything happens for a reason, there is a bigger plan, good-bad karma et al. I am not…. I am not an atheist but I definitely do not believe in all that!!!
Whatever it is, I am in the state of constantly saying I just don’t know and that I am tired of life. More than ready to give up.
I do not want to hear be strong because that will only make me scream! I also do not want to hear how there are so many people who are worse off than me….sorry for them, but that really does not help in any way. Oh yeah, the cliché this too shall pass, yeah I know it will; my question is when and where will this stop?! If someone has an answer to that….then feel free to drop that in a conversation! I understand that I will be told I am not ready to be helped, or I am being rude. Well if it is so, so be it! Yeah…times I wish something stops these “comforting” words to stop….for some reason they don’t!!!