behaviour · emotions · learning · opinion · parent · rant

Selfless or …?

First post of the year 2016!

A question to all the parents (especially mothers out there…) Have you at some point of time even for a minute thought…sigh wish I didn’t have that child of mine? Confession: I have…many times over!

I have wondered how life would be without A. I have wondered if he would be better off without me in his life. I wonder how life would be once he goes off to pursue his own in a few years. Wondering how it would be if he were living in a home which is perceived as normal by society…so on… All this sometimes just during reflection and most times during despair/exasperation (sometimes forced upon …).

So, does just thinking such things make one a bad mother? Does voicing this out to a friend amount to him being a burden on me? Suddenly, all the efforts I put into him being happy/healthy (the best I can at least given my circumstances) fizzles out! “Why don’t you send him back to his dad if you think he is so much of a burden?!” . Wow!! Really?

I stumbled on this post on the Onion :  Jessica Drexler mentions her kid is the second-most important thing in her life. Intrigued I read further and she ends saying “It’s mostly about you”.

That sort of thought would not be welcome here…. Mothers should be selfless, sacrificing! What is this talk about “me”?!?  It should always be kid first (or so I am given to understand….else the kid is a burden!)

Lesson learnt! Either put kids first or just don’t voice any idea otherwise 😀

This is a world of only façades….you must not display anything out of the norm. Everyone is and should be the ideal perceived person 🙂

In the wake of this revelation: I hereby declare….I am nothing without A. He is and always be my life, my breath and my all. I am a nobody and he is my be all & end all 🙂 There is nothing called self-love once you have a kid!

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5 thoughts on “Selfless or …?

    1. Love & best wishes to you too Suks!! Well you know me… Can’t be otherwise. This was just me being sarcastic. A is important but I need to be good to be good to him 🙂

  1. Apar, most of us go through moments like these. One thing I have learned is that nothing is permanent. What you feel good or bad is not going to last. By putting them in words, you are bestowing immortality to those transient feelings. I struggle with it when I blog. It feels like I only write the happy stuff. But when I go back and read my archives, I realize those are the only parts I want to relive. Again this is just my view. I am sure each of us have different reasons for blogging and yours might be to journal. In any case, like Sukanya says so long as you are honest to yourself with your feelings the world can go take a walk. 🙂

  2. Happy new year to you and your family. Everybody has these moments. I undeerstand from your blogs that you have done a great job raising A.

    On the other hand I would be careful reading too much into the philosophy of putting oneself first above others. Rationalisation is often used Often In the western world to preEmpt guilt. Some western marriages are more of arrangement of conveniences. All the chores are divided and scheduled. Marriage becomes a contract. Furthermore many of these families are blended families. Husband with kids from previous marriage and wife with kids from her own marriages. So maybe it works for them by putting themselves above all.

    My wife and I follow a different path. We want to do things motivated by our desire to do things for each other. We dote on our kid but also prod each other to take some time out for ourselves. It is not perfect but we both look forward to come home everyday.

    Best wishes for the new year again.

    1. It is lovely to hear from you (always is!) I am not quite sure if it is only western marriages that are arrangement of conveniences. I know quite a few here personally and have wondered if it goes beyond that group of the people I know!
      Seems like you and your wife have figured out how to give/take space while being the best together too! Your last sentence just wants me to say doubt if anyone has it perfect – it is the looking forward to be home and together that inches toward perfection 🙂
      Best wishes to you & thank you for bearing my rants! (that definitely needs a level of patience indeed!!! 😉 )

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