life · questions

Am I there yet?

My last line in the last visible post last October says…” hope in this ordeal I have at least lost a couple of kilograms!” I can say for sure I am not there yet in that regard. Not only have I not lost weight, I have indeed gained more!

What have I been up to? I finally got off the bench into a project. This happened mid January. Around mid February I started traveling within the country. Hectic schedules, lots of air miles, catching up with A on FaceTime/iMessage, occasional calls to my parents. It was that hectic that we as a team skipped meals, had food at unearthly hours. Added to the experiences in life. A subway & milkshake in the wee hours of the night with wonderful team members. I realise that am good when I am super busy!

So, yeah am I there yet? Happy? Nope! As I get a few minutes to think, my mind falls into what when I am without work? The downward spiral. I am not there yet where I can just live life by the moment. Looking into past has gone down significantly. I do not think that I can ever stop doing that. Those triggers – milestone dates, conversations with people who know, random memes that are shared, the dreaded questions from people we meet for the first time…..they do bring back those suppressed memories. I would be lying if I said that they don’t bring a dull pain along! So am I there yet?? Nope, I don’t think so.

Well, I guess the question more is “Will I be there?”.  I do not know! Till then, hope I am kept busy that I have no time to think. Hope I get to travel more. Within or outside the country. Later preferred ;).

Hope to take A out to various places too. Boy is he growing up quickly yet has that boyish charm…guess even if he is older, I would say the same? Nah am not that gushing mother type!!

I do not know what is next. I have absolutely no clue. It is close to five years in a company that I wanted to quit on day 1! As much as I am tired of thinking what next, I also want to know if I am going somewhere. Have I moved at all?  I have this sinking feeling …I have gone nowhere just older not wiser. Sigh!

 

 

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4 thoughts on “Am I there yet?

  1. Hello there. It has been a while since I posted. That is because I have some eye ailments and life seems to have changed overnight. Been dealing with a bit of depression myself. Looking to your post for some inspiration.

    1. Oh hope your eye ailments have been cured. Change overnight ?? Take care of yourself. Me for inspiration? Wish I could help more. You could mail me

  2. Hey thanks much for responding. I do have plenty of support from family. Would connect with you once I am ready to share. Your posts also show fortitude to deal
    With distress. Different people have different ways to deal with tough situations. So that is why I like your blog. Right when times were better for me and my family.

    1. Wonderful you have support. You can reach out any time and would be glad to help in any way I can. Don’t know about fortitude, I think it is out of desperation I write many a times :). Hoping for good times for you

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