My last line in the last visible post last October says…” hope in this ordeal I have at least lost a couple of kilograms!” I can say for sure I am not there yet in that regard. Not only have I not lost weight, I have indeed gained more!
What have I been up to? I finally got off the bench into a project. This happened mid January. Around mid February I started traveling within the country. Hectic schedules, lots of air miles, catching up with A on FaceTime/iMessage, occasional calls to my parents. It was that hectic that we as a team skipped meals, had food at unearthly hours. Added to the experiences in life. A subway & milkshake in the wee hours of the night with wonderful team members. I realise that am good when I am super busy!
So, yeah am I there yet? Happy? Nope! As I get a few minutes to think, my mind falls into what when I am without work? The downward spiral. I am not there yet where I can just live life by the moment. Looking into past has gone down significantly. I do not think that I can ever stop doing that. Those triggers – milestone dates, conversations with people who know, random memes that are shared, the dreaded questions from people we meet for the first time…..they do bring back those suppressed memories. I would be lying if I said that they don’t bring a dull pain along! So am I there yet?? Nope, I don’t think so.
Well, I guess the question more is “Will I be there?”. I do not know! Till then, hope I am kept busy that I have no time to think. Hope I get to travel more. Within or outside the country. Later preferred ;).
Hope to take A out to various places too. Boy is he growing up quickly yet has that boyish charm…guess even if he is older, I would say the same? Nah am not that gushing mother type!!
I do not know what is next. I have absolutely no clue. It is close to five years in a company that I wanted to quit on day 1! As much as I am tired of thinking what next, I also want to know if I am going somewhere. Have I moved at all? I have this sinking feeling …I have gone nowhere just older not wiser. Sigh!