emotions · life · opinion · questions · rant

Life on autopilot

It hit me today!! Life has become mechanical. I am on autopilot. Routine with no thinking.
Wake up before alarm rings. Get the kid up. Get ready and get going to school/work. Even conversations are quite routine!!
A friend had asked me to go to her place for lunch. It slipped my mind completely. Sitting here at work I am wondering what the hell is wrong with me?! I hardly get invited & even this I miss?? Missed another invite last Sunday as kiddo had classes.
A couple of weeks back, I wanted to take a day off. Spend time which was not as per schedule. My wonderful luck!! It didn't happen. This though is thanks to have had expectations from a person and was shot down horribly. Upset terribly I returned with vehemence to my mundane life that day.
Sitting here wondering what is wrong with such a life?? Wasn't I hoping for a life with no adventure. Now, I am overwhelmed with the boring life. Tired of a response as "same old same old"!
I love spending time with my kid. I am hoping he likes it too :). Yet am searching… better role at work? Definitely. Would that change things? No. I have no clue what is it that I want!!
I realise that I find myself progressively not expecting anything of anyone or life.
Que sera sera. Take things one day at a time. Is that helping?? Not really? I go to bed and the insomniac me looks back on the day wondering the whys, the whats!! Living like a robot but not so devoid of the emotions. Wondering if it is people pushing me away or me pushing them away?? A bit of both??
Clueless… with just the thought that this must not be so!! What should change? How should it change? I don't know!!

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5 thoughts on “Life on autopilot

    1. Yeah I know but point is I am alone. Have this overwhelming loneliness, sadness, sense of failure. I am just unable to shirk it off. I am not a wordsmith and cannot pen down anything close to what I want to. Or may be I don’t want to pen down and make it more real! Not sure if it even makes sense to anyone at all. Existing like this sure doesn’t make sense to me any more

      1. Irony is I know exactly what you mean. All am saying is the situation is not very different even when you are surrounded by people. The issues are different but the isolation can be brutal.

  1. Hello there
    Like you know I have been a keen follower and frequent poster here since my eye ailments begun last year I just cherish for a simple life. Maybe such as yours. In the past I tried to inspire you and now I look for inspiration here. Such is life.

    1. There are so many times I wish I knew more about you! Intrigued. I am not sure I can inspire anyone. All I can do is thank you for keeping me going so many times. I hope things get the way we would all like them to be! Hope you feel better. Let me know if I can help in any which way! Am a mail away

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