That faint ray of hope

It has been ages since I even opened my space here. Life has not been still obviously. It just moves on, most of the times monotonously. It seems to chug along!

People met, jobs done, sometimes connections made. I have been drowned deep in work. It has been work, work and more work. So much so I missed even wishing friends on their birthdays, missed meeting some! When I lay in bed fighting to not stay awake and fall asleep, I am left wondering what I am doing! What all this boils down to?

On the rare occasion I made to a meet with schoolmates, a friend said they were planning on a trip to see the Northern Lights. A few from the US and she from Canada. I joked saying yeah may be I must join in with A. This took shape and form. I did push this idea and hopped on to the plan. Extended the bookings they had already made to accommodate the two of us. Countdown began. First hurdle was to get the vacation approved. Then it was fun talking of what we intended to do there. Main topic of discussion was – food!

Me, the eternal pessimist was waiting for something to blow up. Me not getting the visa or something else. Well it all did eventually fall in place. Again a colleague said “you do know that it is all luck to get to see the lights! You are there for Diwali so take a few diyas and light them just in case!” So there I went thinking nah am surely gonna miss the lights! The first night there cemented that thought. Cloudy amongst the fjords in a beautiful boat. No lights.

The next day went up to the mountain on a cable car. No lights for a long time on a cold night. Giving up not wanting to miss the bus we trudged along and there the sky lit up here and there with streaks among the clouds stopping us in our tracks. I was thrilled so was A! While someone in the group said she was disappointed that this was all there was. Guess my attitude of something is always better than nothing helps please oneself!

The next few days again we did get to see the lights. One of the nights was just fabulous by the lake. Dancing. Once in a lifetime experience indeed. Trying to track activity through apps, seeing that it is better in Canada and Russia while we were in the middle in Europe. Then the sudden bursts were thrilling.

A got to experience the cold weather, the snow, museum visits, treks and wonderful company. He learnt how all in a group may not always have the same thinking and how one needs to adjust/ignore and avoid conflict even at times. I definitely prefer cold weather!

We ended the vacation thinking it got over too soon ( well don’t we all do that!?). I was left thinking I must ensure that A& I take a break now and then (maybe not this exotic *read expensive :p * nevertheless a break!) Oh also I am yet to read the travelogue A has written!

Being in thought mode I guess the adage is true. Patience helps! The lights sure did test our patience. Hope shines through?? Boy that is too positive for me!!

Here’s to more such trips / adventures. Cheers!

Open Roads

There is open road ahead and you are excited about where it may take you. Although this is unfamiliar territory, you’re anticipating the best. Your only complaint is how long it takes to travel into the future while the Moon is spotlighting your 11th House of Long-Term Goals. Unfortunately, there are no shortcuts and the only sensible strategy is to slow down and enjoy the colorful scenery along the way. Pay close attention because driving conditions can change without notice and you don’t want to be caught off guard

This is my horoscope for the day! I would say that it is the status quo for my life!! LOL!

Unfamiliar territory always- not so much anticipating the best (am quite the pessimist ifΒ  you didn’t already know!). Getting caught off guard is all that happens!

I don’t know if I must laugh or rue this!

So open roads…here I come! Make me anticipate the best! The best…do happen and quick!! Patience is not my virtue!! I want things done and given yesterday!!

Happy Deepavali!

A Festival of Lights – well more of noise & smoke and diets going for a toss!

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A enjoyed his Deepavali. I tried to get him to say no to crackers & failed miserably – it was mixed emotions felt wonderful to see the joy on his face and horrible at not being able to convince the kid to be pollution free.
I felt sorry for my neighbour’s dog who was going ballistic.
For my part, I cooked yummy snacks. Our forefathers were good at planning. Make all this…while it rains outside, eat with tea/ coffee. Maybe they could have foreseen a bit more and went lax on the crackers?!
At least it is good to keep the mosquitoes & other insects away ( may be that was their thinking and we in our generation go overboard?! )

time lapse video of A and a flowerpot
Also puts us into perspective that all things come with pluses & minuses. It is definitely a festival that brings all together!

Those who like fireworks , those who don’t. Those who love food, those who don’t. Those who watch all those special programmes on TV channels ( read new movies), those who don’t – well you get the picture πŸ™‚
Happy Deepavali all!!
PS: update on day 43 of 100 happy days (next post may be on that?? πŸ™‚ )

Happy Days

Yeah! Still here! πŸ™‚

I really do need to at least login to WordPress (rather than just check on the app on my phone!) Boy! it looks so different.

What has been happening with me? Nothing to write about (not an excuse for not blogging – just the truth!).

Why the title Happy Days? I was nominated a while back by a friend to list three happy things and nominate friends to do the same for a week. I didn’t complete that – Got one bad news and that made me stop!

I had been thinking of taking this 100happydays challenge. Always kept thinking I don’t think I will be able to do that for a 100 days! I succumbed now and have signed up. I will be posting my happy picture of the day on Instagram – hopefully for a 100 days. Fingers crossed.

It does feel nice to actually do a post this way! I guess I do miss this!! Though like many, I guess I took to mini-blogging (twitter) or Instagram (a picture says a 1000 words?!?). I don’t think it is just because I have become lazy (which is true) but because I guess it is easier to mask emotions in those two forms! More bandwidth for pouring out here and I am avoiding it for that. Keep to myself, avoid questions and need to explain – agenda! I have been told I have a wall around me – “though friendly, talkative, you have a wall.” May be it is time to strengthen that wall – self-preservation.

Since my last post, I guess I have been pushed more to trust no one. It is amazing when people keep contacting you non-stop when they have a need & conveniently disappear when they have to keep their word. There is only so much one can take and it has hurt me financially – big time!!! Do not lend money to anyone – another lesson! 😦

“I am busy” – a constant excuse to not even say a “hello, how are you?” despite all the means of pinging someone (yeah – my pet peeve). So, why must I bother with someone who does not have even a few minutes? It is all about priority. Yeah when push comes to shove, they will all be there for me! Grateful for that! Thank you…but when it does come to that, why would I bother to contact them who are too busy? I read recently no one is ever that busy, it is all about priorities. I guess I must stick with acquaintances – not invest too much in anyΒ relationship. Be one of those who has a Facebook (read fake) life (on that note I must say I hardly post anything, random posts and click like on what I really do like). No wonder people are more depressed! One starts thinking that what one sees on the various Facebook posts is how their entire life is. Feel empty or unaccomplished since one does not share. I also do find a lot of negativity in many forums. A picture or post evokes so much of negative feedback, sometimes towards hatred! I am thankful I have a handful of friends who are true, honest and keep me grounded – quality friends :).

As usual, I digress! Happy days means happy thoughts!! It is said that this challenge would help boost mood, make one feel optimistic (especially for a self-proclaimed pessimist! πŸ™‚ ),feel grateful, start noticing happy things, receive compliments(???), fall in love (?!? that is a laugh…). Wish me luck to complete this challenge. May be that will drive me to post more? At least I will have a post in 100 days to say how it went… or earlier of how I failed (hope not!)

Reunions

It has been a while since I posted anything here ( well what is new about that right?)
It has been two decades since I graduated from high school. This buzz of 20 years started a while back. Discussions about when to meet, where and all that started doing the rounds. Facebook pages created; school mates reminiscing. There were those who came out of hibernation. Some still are in their caves ( don’t even know where they are!)
Everything was fine as long as it was online. When it came to the actual event which happened in Chennai yesterday, I was apprehensive.
Reunions also are about what has happened since graduation; what you are up to ( how you look too!). Me the libra was quite ambivalent. I must say I have been in touch with quite a number of my school mates. So, they pushed me to make the decision.
D-day I was there in school. It felt good. Fifty odd of us turned up with some actually coming from out of town. It was just overwhelming to see all. Yes, didn’t recognise some faces but it turned out to be one fun day.
As a friend said, there were no pretences. It was genuine pleasure to see all, share laughs, pull each other’s legs. The guys who organised this chapter of the reunion did an amazing job!
I can truly say that I will look forward to the 25th year reunion. πŸ™‚ If by any chance fate takes me to the US venue of the 20th year reunion in July, I won’t shy away!!
Friends from school know you. They are not judgmental of what life had dealt to you growing up! It does not matter what you wear, how you look, what you do. Of course we did exchange notes about what we were up to but it was no big deal!! Thanks to those who did make me land there!
Now it feels nice to be reunited to my blog space writing a happy post! πŸ™‚

Sunday Stealing! & life changes

I got a mail from Mr. Lance of Sunday Stealing…for this. Then got a pingback from Dayle Fraschilla who took up the meme here. πŸ™‚ Thanks! πŸ™‚
This reminded me of how it was taking memes. Making friends on this blog. Over time, my blogging frequency has come down. I don’t even remember what was the last meme I did. I do read most of my favourite blogs but don’t leave comments like I used to. Pity that I don’t even seem to rant as much or share anything… wondering why?!I am tempted to retake the same meme at least some of the questions, just to see if life has changed?! Nah!!! Life definitely has changed since this. Been two years!! I have changed jobs (I didn’t have one then!), A is 2 years older. I am 2 years older & wiser πŸ˜‰ (ok…that I probably never will be). I guess I don’t trust people like I used to.( well still not too good at this yet! Needs more work). I also need to learn how to tell people exactly what to do to themselves when they comment on my life choices. I am always up for a debate but not ready to hear judgemental comments on anything which includes topics like who I spend time with, what I wear, how I must raise my kid, spend my money etc…
I have changed my mobile quite a few times since πŸ˜‰ (yeah…I like gadgets, make the effort to save money to buy them so people who comment on this habit…here goes – my money, my wish). In fact I have also changed my car, dress sizes (up and down and up…). This is as far as material things go.
Oh how can I forget?!?! I am officially legally single. Ok…in Chennai I am a divorcee. I have a globally acceptable document that says this!!Β  Thanks to my divorce happening in NY, USA and me living here in India; trying to get a passport without the name of the spouse on it (yeah…you can get a person’s entire life story if possible from Indian passports), I had to learn what an Apostille document is. I had to even educate a few officers in the passport office here.
I thought I have come a long way when it comes to battling depression since Feb 2009. This was yesterday. Today I am not so sure. I have to be honest here, I still battle with thoughts of suicide, sending A to his father & just disappearing hoping to make people happier at least then. Crux is I don’t think I have won that battle or am I even close to it when it comes to depression 😦 Have my ups and downs…
As usual my thoughts are all over the place. Well I am living up to being the ruminator…I have to stop ruminating I suppose :D.
The tagging at least has given me an excuse to scribble here…
Here is to hoping that this year is better for me and those few readers I still have or any of those new ones who happen to accidentally find their way here (that is some optimism from some one like me who prides in being a pessimist in capital bold letters πŸ™‚ )

Child’s Elephant

A loves to use MS Paint like apps. He lets his imagination loose. Just have a look at the elephant he has “drawn”. He says that it is a baby elephant that is cute & talks. Apparently it is as cute as him and doesn’t trouble it’s mom to eat! He is very proud of his baby elephant and am proud of my baby!! πŸ™‚ He definitely is a plus in my life as much as I say otherwise!!

A’s wisdom

We were driving on a hot day (well all days are hot here in Chennai!!). My friend was driving with A sitting behind in the car. A was reading all the sign boards found on the road – on the sides, above and everywhere he could read something! (Should may be carry books in the car?! πŸ™‚ )  One of the signs he reads

Don’t drink & drive.

My driver friend feeling thirsty at that point of time, took a swig from the bottle of water in the car! πŸ™‚ It is now quite anyone’s guess about what followed! LOL! A goes…hey don’t drink and drive. It says so everywhere, that is the rule.

Now…do I explain about what is meant by drinking or do I laugh my head off!? Of course I did the latter. My friend went on saying hey..explain to him as he is not willing to listen to me! πŸ™‚ Fun time! πŸ˜€

So, had to tell him he is right, but there is a tweak to what the sign meant. He did not get what alcohol was or the effects. I had to induce that wisdom which made me think…how much do we say? What do we say? I guess now I must dread the birds & bees talk!! Or am I hitting the panic button a bit too early?!

I digress (as usual!). It was a fun day, had a good laugh thanks to A’s wisdom. I would definitely follow it, and urge everyone else to do so too!!

Don’t drink & drive. It causes accidents.

Stop, take a swig and go on πŸ˜‰ Just kidding! On a serious note, personally knowing people who lost loved ones due to drunk driving, we must vow to do everything to stop that!