I keep coming back!

I thought I would stop blogging. Never return to this space and pen my “Random Ruminations”… but I just keep coming back. I remember way back when I started blogging, had a BlogSpot then. It was just to record events or thoughts….this transformed to a place where I poured my heart out. Eventually moved to WordPress. Journey continued. My blog has been a place where I vented/ ranted/ shared a lot. It has given back too – Friends and fellow bloggers like Nikhil, Sharada, Praddy, Vino, Scorpria, Bhargavi, Aparna, Imp’s Mom…actually a really long list…. (note to self: when time permits, add their blog links 🙂 ). Was lovely to have met quite a few of them, form friendships beyond the web.There are some who have become friends after reading all that I have written!! (God! you do have patience 🙂 ), have egged me on to continue posting. Thanks to all!

I decided to stop blogging because I did not want to keep venting or ranting. I didn’t want to be all positive either and not be me!! Since I could not do the balancing act (Libra in me?!), I decided to quit…..and I am back here (Libra indecisiveness?! 😉 )

What has happened since my last post?! Way back in October! Wow! I have stayed away that long!!!! I have been off Facebook completely. Deactivated my account mid-October I think. I confess there were certain days when I wanted to log in and check. Got over that urge in a few minutes and I have been away. Someone said that was brave of me. Don’t know where that stems from, though I do think it is quite an achievement for me for having still not gone back to that place! (I am not saying I won’t…..look where it got me here! :p ). I did complete my 100 happy days. Again an achievement (as a wonderful friend said a huge achievement considering the garbage that goes on in my head!)

Obviously there have been lows. Self doubt haunting me as ever. Times I wanted to totally give up. I feel I put A through impossible times! Situations at work. Lots of ups and downs – Downs always overwhelms a person like me into thinking when will this every end? I know the answer is never and it probably might never get easier despite all the clichés.

I am grateful for true friends who have stuck by me and my madness…some of them have even made it past a decade or two!! (I must not be that bad a person and hope I can remain good friend to them! 🙂 ). Despite loads of differences, the solid support I get from my parents is something that I must not forget. In a way I am also thankful for those “friends” who have let me down in more ways than one for the lesson they taught me – some doing way more damage than I can imagine 😦

It is easy to forget and stray away, delve deep into that abyss of depression. I have fallen into that way too often. Thanks to those who help me get over that – some of you are really patient and have way too much of endurance! (If you are reading this, you know who you are! 🙂 ). I must add this….I have a wonderful son! A is indeed a gem of a guy, a blessing – one who comes to hug me when I ask for one, smiles & laughs and endures my moods of anger, despair, doubt, depression, feeling of being lost! Love him loads!

Happy Days

Yeah! Still here! 🙂

I really do need to at least login to WordPress (rather than just check on the app on my phone!) Boy! it looks so different.

What has been happening with me? Nothing to write about (not an excuse for not blogging – just the truth!).

Why the title Happy Days? I was nominated a while back by a friend to list three happy things and nominate friends to do the same for a week. I didn’t complete that – Got one bad news and that made me stop!

I had been thinking of taking this 100happydays challenge. Always kept thinking I don’t think I will be able to do that for a 100 days! I succumbed now and have signed up. I will be posting my happy picture of the day on Instagram – hopefully for a 100 days. Fingers crossed.

It does feel nice to actually do a post this way! I guess I do miss this!! Though like many, I guess I took to mini-blogging (twitter) or Instagram (a picture says a 1000 words?!?). I don’t think it is just because I have become lazy (which is true) but because I guess it is easier to mask emotions in those two forms! More bandwidth for pouring out here and I am avoiding it for that. Keep to myself, avoid questions and need to explain – agenda! I have been told I have a wall around me – “though friendly, talkative, you have a wall.” May be it is time to strengthen that wall – self-preservation.

Since my last post, I guess I have been pushed more to trust no one. It is amazing when people keep contacting you non-stop when they have a need & conveniently disappear when they have to keep their word. There is only so much one can take and it has hurt me financially – big time!!! Do not lend money to anyone – another lesson! 😦

“I am busy” – a constant excuse to not even say a “hello, how are you?” despite all the means of pinging someone (yeah – my pet peeve). So, why must I bother with someone who does not have even a few minutes? It is all about priority. Yeah when push comes to shove, they will all be there for me! Grateful for that! Thank you…but when it does come to that, why would I bother to contact them who are too busy? I read recently no one is ever that busy, it is all about priorities. I guess I must stick with acquaintances – not invest too much in any relationship. Be one of those who has a Facebook (read fake) life (on that note I must say I hardly post anything, random posts and click like on what I really do like). No wonder people are more depressed! One starts thinking that what one sees on the various Facebook posts is how their entire life is. Feel empty or unaccomplished since one does not share. I also do find a lot of negativity in many forums. A picture or post evokes so much of negative feedback, sometimes towards hatred! I am thankful I have a handful of friends who are true, honest and keep me grounded – quality friends :).

As usual, I digress! Happy days means happy thoughts!! It is said that this challenge would help boost mood, make one feel optimistic (especially for a self-proclaimed pessimist! 🙂 ),feel grateful, start noticing happy things, receive compliments(???), fall in love (?!? that is a laugh…). Wish me luck to complete this challenge. May be that will drive me to post more? At least I will have a post in 100 days to say how it went… or earlier of how I failed (hope not!)