A tag by IHM

Mother’s Day today. It is not a huge deal at my place. My mum used to tell me, “do you need a mother’s day to remember / love your mum?” or that it is a western concept or commercialising love and the likes. 

Though, I just thought that it might be an ideal day to do a tag about motherhood by IHM! 🙂

What do I not like about being a mother? There are days when I wonder why I had A. Look at him as a complication or a liability. Would I give up on him? No, never! He is the one who brings a smile (a genuine one) in everyone’s face here at home. A source of joy.

So onto the tag… what do I no like about being  a mother?

• Worrying about how A would turn out. (Especially with a mum like me 🙂 and no one else)
• Worrying about what the impact of this divorce is going to be on him.
• Terrified about whether I would be able to provide for him (anything and everything that he needs and knowing what he would!)
• Being blamed for disciplining him.
• Worrying about spoiling him rotten if I did not discipline him (Where is that line?)
• Making him eat right being such a chore (Why can’t he just know what and how much to eat?! )
• Seeing him being so sensitive at this tender age, wishing he would not grow up too soon.

A is young. I guess I have a lot more to go through. This is probably just the beginning. The list might grow longer. It might lose a few points. This is a love -hate kind of thing. I love being a mother, having A in my life. I also hate it. It is difficult to pin point how, why and all that. The balance keeps shifting. Don’t know when it would settle or if it would. All said and done, I love my son and think that people who have decided to stay away from a gem like him are the biggest fools on earth!!

There you go IHM. I don’t know if I have done justice to your tag but I just wrote what came to my mind as usual. It might be a little too blunt but it is just how I feel! 🙂

Advertisement

What is wrong with me?!

Something is definitely wrong with me! Senility catching up? Anxiety? Alzheimer’s? What is it?!

Yesterday I was back in my most depressed state. Cried after quite a while. Don’t know why? Something hit me that my life has not changed one bit? I realise that attitude can make you happy for that day; it does not change your life in any damn way (sorry!) I enjoyed my outings with my friends. It just put my troubles at a back burner. Did not switch it off!! I cried to a couple of friends yesterday. I guess I just made them feel more helpless as there seems to be no solution.

I can’t believe that I actually wrote 2006 on a cheque I issued instead of 2009!!!! It was not 2008 like many who might since it is still the first month of the year…but 2006!!! I don’t swear much…but this certainly is like WTF moment!! Chatting with another friend today, I meant to type “not very interesting” and ended up typing “not very boring”!!! These are 2 of the goof ups I have done in the last few days.

What is wrong?! This too shall pass? I don’t know!! Thankfully, I did not make a fool of myself at the 6 month review of A at his school! 6 months of school done with already!! For those interested,  seems he is quite a smart kid who has his moods (well those who know him…I suppose would say “duh!!” 🙂 ) I have to get him to write his letters and get him used to writing was the feedback. Though, I felt like it was the standard feedback given to all the parents. Make your kid practice writing. I saw some of A’s girl friends. One of them left her mum to come dote on this guy! What does A have? hmmm?!?! Just wondering! Well…I suppose the first of many to come 😀

So, I don’t know what is in store tomorrow?! or the day after…or the days to come. I just want to sometimes yell saying I am totally tired of life or the lack of it! (was my status on facebook too) When will these mood dips end?! Feel the answer is never!

Dec 6th….

To most Indians, when they hear this date, they don’t even pause to think before saying it reminds them of the Babri Masjid demolition. I decided to write this post to say this date has other events too…

Here is the wiki page on Dec 6th. Just a few from that page

1768 – The first edition of the Encyclopædia Britannica is published.
1865 – The Thirteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution is ratified, banning slavery.
1884 – The Washington Monument in Washington D.C. is completed.
2004 – My son A was born (well this is not on that page…yet 😉 well almost – Thank you Varun )
2006 – NASA reveals photographs taken by Mars Global Surveyor suggesting the presence of liquid water on Mars.

As much as I understand that Babri Masjid event happened, when some one asks me his date of birth; please don’t tell me that is what one associates the day with always!! The guy was born more than a decade later. There is no need to state good things that happened….just don’t state this! 🙂

So, what can some one say…just say Happy Birthday if it is close to the day 😀  Else, say oh! he is born under the sign Sagittarius :). Am gonna scream next time I hear some one say…Babri Masjid – I swear!! 😀 Dear A, wish you a very happy birthday. Hope you have a great life and get to do whatever you want and be happy!

Blogging & me

Over a few conversations I had with a few friends, I realised how regular I was when I was posting on one particular blog. This blog mostly contains pics of A along with a short write-up all his antics. I stopped posting in that. It has been close to a year now.

I was almost? obsessed with that blog. I used to have a camera with me all the time(or feels like it now 😉 ) to capture any and every moment! Was it because of the blogging? Or was it the excitement of being a mother of a growing/learning infant/toddler?! I had (I say “had” since I am still waiting to get a hard disk of all those memories – separation in the modern age! *sigh*) a huge collection of photos; took them almost every day.I think I even took photos just with blog posts in my mind sometimes.

Fast forward to now….I do take a lot of pictures even now. (Confession – not as many as before though! ) but there is not urge to post them or even share them in emails. Initially, when I stopped posting on the blog; many asked me as to why I was not posting, or to send them pictures of A. Those questions and queries have trickled down close to none now. Very few ask to see his photos or urge me to take & share those pictures.

Have I reduced taking pictures as much because I am not blogging? Is it because A is older now (no less cuter if not more- I must add 😀 ) and is in school almost half the day? Have I become lazy (become? 🙄 )? Considering that his life is now getting filled with activities from school also – am I wrong in not sharing these with friends & well wishers? I don’t know; but my gut feel says that I must not continue with that blog any more.

I (being a second kid myself) urge my friends having their second one to do everything they did for their first one including baby showers. Now, I wonder if I have just stopped being me with even my only one?! Is it just because I am not posting anything on that blog?

I see one too many questions! 😀 Weird! What a separation does to one’s life among so many other things! For those who are wondering what my separation with my husband has to do with me not posting in A’s blog… in a fit of anger, I told my husband that he should stay out of A’s life forever and without a second of hesitation; he accepted. He never once has enquired about A. He had not done so even before that anger fit. According to him; his responsibility as a father ends at sending money. So, my posting recent pics was out of the question in that blog since it was started by both my husband and me! I do not want him to ever see what he has lost out on.

A face to a letter! ;)

Vimal has tagged me in this photo tag. It is to publish a candid and not posed photograph which was taken about 10 years ago. Vimal says “childhood snaps (a snap atleast 10 years old)” All I can do is smile at that.

Honestly, I was going to pass doing this one. One major reason, I don’t quite have pics from 10 years back. Even if I do, the only ones that were not really posed for would be those taken during dance performances. Actually, I don’t have that many pics of mine ….hazard of being the second kid (parents did not have time to take pics!! or so they say 😉 ), growing up I did not like my pic taken cos I felt concious of my braces, eventually people did not take photos of me. 😀

So, after the long preamble…what am I going to do with this particular tag?! Thought I would put a face to the letter…so here goes…some candid childhood (hehehe) shots of A (sorry! I did not satisfy the 10 year old condition, he is not even 4 😀 …well few years down the lane, these will be 10 years old 😉 )

The pics range from his scan, a couple of hours after his birth to those taken about a few months back.

Now for the next set of scapegoats!! (Muahahaha … )
A-kay
Laksh well, both A-kay & Laksh are kinda my constants…:)
Indian home maker (have not tagged her yet…)
Scorpria (have not tagged her also so far…)
Rajitha (to get her out of her blogging slump 😉 )