Threshold

Think of yourself as on the threshold of unparalleled success. A whole, clear, glorious life lies before you. Achieve! Achieve!

Andrew Carnegie

Public exams in the Indian system of education. The first major educational milestone that lays the foundation to what lies ahead. A starts his tomorrow. Here is wishing him the very best.

I have toggled between relaxed to a typical middle class Indian parent through this year. Stressing over his marks and wondering what would happen if he doesn’t score. Every test he had leading up to this set me on that yo-yo path. I believe that he definitely has a whole, clear, glorious life ahead! I have no doubt of that yet, these trivial exams and scores set me back a lot!

A is a wonderful child, caring and understanding comes naturally to him. My friends who know him ask me…hey what are you saying? when did he grow up to face board exams?? Seriously, when did he grow up? He is such a sweet kid. Still loves to be cuddled, would stretch out his arms any time for a hug. He does have his teenage grumpiness, moodiness and above all laziness! I am blessed to have him in my life who has been a rock to me through really tough times. I am very aware of how it should be the reverse but he has truly been the driving force for me.

He is putting in the effort, studying (Indian parent head saying he should study more!). I have no idea what scores he will get but a great life he sure will have! He deserves it!

Do send in all your best wishes, thoughts and prayers to him and all his friends. May they have a calm, cool and collected mind!

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Torn…

This evening, A was having his piano classes. The tutor comes home to teach. Since I was not feeling too well, I was lying down in my room. I was waiting for the classes to get over, so I could head over to meet with a friend (taking A along with me.) Then change of plans, I decided to make some gulab jamuns. Needed sugar. A has now graduated to doing small chores like running across to the nearby grocery shop. I yell out his name…no answer!!

I ask my dad, he says he was just here. Mum (stuck in her room said she didn’t know). I yell out his name, my neighbour comes to me & says he was walking down the road. My mind was in absolute turmoil. Torn between anger and anguish. Where the devil is he? I got into my jeans & tee. Walked around the corner to the nearby children’s play area. I did not see him. I walked around the neighbourhood…no luck!! I was in tears – half in anger & half in worry!!! I had my mobile with me. It rings…call from home. A speaks to say he is home now. I rush home relieved. The moment I saw the boy standing next to my mother, I was happy & furious!!!! I interrogated him! He says he was in the play area playing hide &seek. Apparently when I went there, he was hiding!!! Gave him a earful on how he must inform one of us & then go. I was so scared that I lost him!!! 😦

This was terrible!! As I was telling a close friend of mine….I am tired & done with all drama in life. I don’t want great things, I just want peace. If at all my heart races, it must be because of having worked out hard (yeah right!!!….still 😉 ). No more being torn like this!!!! I know this is wishful thinking…. *sigh*

Throughout this ordeal, was thinking what kids put parents through!!! I can totally understand love them so much but want to strangle them emotion!! 🙂

What is wrong with me?!

Something is definitely wrong with me! Senility catching up? Anxiety? Alzheimer’s? What is it?!

Yesterday I was back in my most depressed state. Cried after quite a while. Don’t know why? Something hit me that my life has not changed one bit? I realise that attitude can make you happy for that day; it does not change your life in any damn way (sorry!) I enjoyed my outings with my friends. It just put my troubles at a back burner. Did not switch it off!! I cried to a couple of friends yesterday. I guess I just made them feel more helpless as there seems to be no solution.

I can’t believe that I actually wrote 2006 on a cheque I issued instead of 2009!!!! It was not 2008 like many who might since it is still the first month of the year…but 2006!!! I don’t swear much…but this certainly is like WTF moment!! Chatting with another friend today, I meant to type “not very interesting” and ended up typing “not very boring”!!! These are 2 of the goof ups I have done in the last few days.

What is wrong?! This too shall pass? I don’t know!! Thankfully, I did not make a fool of myself at the 6 month review of A at his school! 6 months of school done with already!! For those interested,  seems he is quite a smart kid who has his moods (well those who know him…I suppose would say “duh!!” 🙂 ) I have to get him to write his letters and get him used to writing was the feedback. Though, I felt like it was the standard feedback given to all the parents. Make your kid practice writing. I saw some of A’s girl friends. One of them left her mum to come dote on this guy! What does A have? hmmm?!?! Just wondering! Well…I suppose the first of many to come 😀

So, I don’t know what is in store tomorrow?! or the day after…or the days to come. I just want to sometimes yell saying I am totally tired of life or the lack of it! (was my status on facebook too) When will these mood dips end?! Feel the answer is never!