Notification?

My phone beeps….Wordpress notification
boom

Intriguing!!! Really?? Why?? How?? I have not posted anything. I have been really bad at being a blogger! So, what do I do….go check the stats page of my blog! Let me share screenshots (found the slideshow feature! 🙂 )

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There is more on that page….still this is enough to get my thoughts meandering. Why Feb 2009?? Triggers just go off left right center. Time when I had to come to terms that my marriage was indeed over, heights of blogging – tags, memes….made many blog friends…..some who have become those I hold close.

It has not been a good last month. One more young death added to an already long list since the year started. This has affected me as it is a close friend’s brother. Not even 30!! I had not met him but knew him through his posts on Facebook, reactions to my friend’s & his wife’s posts. He came across as a really nice person, honest, funny, genuine. Reiterates the fact that there is no God!! He/ She is cruel. Taking away a person who is loved, has his whole life ahead of him!! I am very bad at condolences but not a day passes by without me thinking of my friend and his family! Hope they find the strength to deal with this injustice. How could this happen?? When the world should have more such people, why take such people away?!?

Thinking of that, anything else I undergo seems so trivial. Yet, while going through them, it feels humungous! Yo-yoing between feeling guilty and horrid!

It has been a stressful time. So called relatives bailing out, work as usual throwing weirdos [I tell myself now that I am a magnet to such people while there are those who cruise through with wonderful co-workers!], elections, seeing how disabled unfriendly Madras is… Wondering why bother with all this?

Hearing about death makes a person like me go in all directions. One part saying “hey! you never know when, so live life to the fullest”. Another goes “no one needs me, not a person will bother if I am gone”.  And everything between the two extremes! The middle is when I just end up going through the motions of the day, trying not to think at all, mechanical, just exist!

No one knows what tomorrow holds. Wish people understand this and just be nice & considerate. A kind word does not hurt. Instead of just posting on social media about being nice to each other, do it in real life!

And those who helped spike my stats! Please do more of it 🙂 😉

Enough rambling for a notification!! :p

I keep coming back!

I thought I would stop blogging. Never return to this space and pen my “Random Ruminations”… but I just keep coming back. I remember way back when I started blogging, had a BlogSpot then. It was just to record events or thoughts….this transformed to a place where I poured my heart out. Eventually moved to WordPress. Journey continued. My blog has been a place where I vented/ ranted/ shared a lot. It has given back too – Friends and fellow bloggers like Nikhil, Sharada, Praddy, Vino, Scorpria, Bhargavi, Aparna, Imp’s Mom…actually a really long list…. (note to self: when time permits, add their blog links 🙂 ). Was lovely to have met quite a few of them, form friendships beyond the web.There are some who have become friends after reading all that I have written!! (God! you do have patience 🙂 ), have egged me on to continue posting. Thanks to all!

I decided to stop blogging because I did not want to keep venting or ranting. I didn’t want to be all positive either and not be me!! Since I could not do the balancing act (Libra in me?!), I decided to quit…..and I am back here (Libra indecisiveness?! 😉 )

What has happened since my last post?! Way back in October! Wow! I have stayed away that long!!!! I have been off Facebook completely. Deactivated my account mid-October I think. I confess there were certain days when I wanted to log in and check. Got over that urge in a few minutes and I have been away. Someone said that was brave of me. Don’t know where that stems from, though I do think it is quite an achievement for me for having still not gone back to that place! (I am not saying I won’t…..look where it got me here! :p ). I did complete my 100 happy days. Again an achievement (as a wonderful friend said a huge achievement considering the garbage that goes on in my head!)

Obviously there have been lows. Self doubt haunting me as ever. Times I wanted to totally give up. I feel I put A through impossible times! Situations at work. Lots of ups and downs – Downs always overwhelms a person like me into thinking when will this every end? I know the answer is never and it probably might never get easier despite all the clichés.

I am grateful for true friends who have stuck by me and my madness…some of them have even made it past a decade or two!! (I must not be that bad a person and hope I can remain good friend to them! 🙂 ). Despite loads of differences, the solid support I get from my parents is something that I must not forget. In a way I am also thankful for those “friends” who have let me down in more ways than one for the lesson they taught me – some doing way more damage than I can imagine 😦

It is easy to forget and stray away, delve deep into that abyss of depression. I have fallen into that way too often. Thanks to those who help me get over that – some of you are really patient and have way too much of endurance! (If you are reading this, you know who you are! 🙂 ). I must add this….I have a wonderful son! A is indeed a gem of a guy, a blessing – one who comes to hug me when I ask for one, smiles & laughs and endures my moods of anger, despair, doubt, depression, feeling of being lost! Love him loads!

Happy Days

Yeah! Still here! 🙂

I really do need to at least login to WordPress (rather than just check on the app on my phone!) Boy! it looks so different.

What has been happening with me? Nothing to write about (not an excuse for not blogging – just the truth!).

Why the title Happy Days? I was nominated a while back by a friend to list three happy things and nominate friends to do the same for a week. I didn’t complete that – Got one bad news and that made me stop!

I had been thinking of taking this 100happydays challenge. Always kept thinking I don’t think I will be able to do that for a 100 days! I succumbed now and have signed up. I will be posting my happy picture of the day on Instagram – hopefully for a 100 days. Fingers crossed.

It does feel nice to actually do a post this way! I guess I do miss this!! Though like many, I guess I took to mini-blogging (twitter) or Instagram (a picture says a 1000 words?!?). I don’t think it is just because I have become lazy (which is true) but because I guess it is easier to mask emotions in those two forms! More bandwidth for pouring out here and I am avoiding it for that. Keep to myself, avoid questions and need to explain – agenda! I have been told I have a wall around me – “though friendly, talkative, you have a wall.” May be it is time to strengthen that wall – self-preservation.

Since my last post, I guess I have been pushed more to trust no one. It is amazing when people keep contacting you non-stop when they have a need & conveniently disappear when they have to keep their word. There is only so much one can take and it has hurt me financially – big time!!! Do not lend money to anyone – another lesson! 😦

“I am busy” – a constant excuse to not even say a “hello, how are you?” despite all the means of pinging someone (yeah – my pet peeve). So, why must I bother with someone who does not have even a few minutes? It is all about priority. Yeah when push comes to shove, they will all be there for me! Grateful for that! Thank you…but when it does come to that, why would I bother to contact them who are too busy? I read recently no one is ever that busy, it is all about priorities. I guess I must stick with acquaintances – not invest too much in any relationship. Be one of those who has a Facebook (read fake) life (on that note I must say I hardly post anything, random posts and click like on what I really do like). No wonder people are more depressed! One starts thinking that what one sees on the various Facebook posts is how their entire life is. Feel empty or unaccomplished since one does not share. I also do find a lot of negativity in many forums. A picture or post evokes so much of negative feedback, sometimes towards hatred! I am thankful I have a handful of friends who are true, honest and keep me grounded – quality friends :).

As usual, I digress! Happy days means happy thoughts!! It is said that this challenge would help boost mood, make one feel optimistic (especially for a self-proclaimed pessimist! 🙂 ),feel grateful, start noticing happy things, receive compliments(???), fall in love (?!? that is a laugh…). Wish me luck to complete this challenge. May be that will drive me to post more? At least I will have a post in 100 days to say how it went… or earlier of how I failed (hope not!)

2010 in review – Random Ruminations

I got this in my mailbox. Here I was thinking I did badly as a blogger last year! Though I must say the following stats are pretty interesting!! 🙂 Blog-Health-o-Meter™ says “Wow”!!!!!! (sorry I did have a laugh at that one! 😉 )

Wishing all a very happy new year!

I do not say I will write more…but hope I do have something to write about. Hopefully something good to share 🙂

—————————

The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:

Healthy blog!

The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads Wow.

Crunchy numbers

Featured image

A Boeing 747-400 passenger jet can hold 416 passengers. This blog was viewed about 8,400 times in 2010. That’s about 20 full 747s.

 

In 2010, there were 24 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 245 posts. There were 8 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 1mb.

The busiest day of the year was January 20th with 225 views. The most popular post that day was Urban Turban – an amateur’s review.

Where did they come from?

The top referring sites in 2010 were networkedblogs.com, heartscontentspartial.wordpress.com, words-flow.blogspot.com, acorn.nationalinterest.in, and lakshmusings.com.

Some visitors came searching, mostly for 30 questions, myheadtrip, random ruminations, 30 questions about me, and madhurika sankar.

Attractions in 2010

These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.

1

Urban Turban – an amateur’s review January 2010
4 comments

2

30 questions February 2009
10 comments

3

Anybody there! ?! March 2010
18 comments

4

Abuse – not just physical! February 2010
13 comments

5

Update(s) June 2010
17 comments

Julie & Julia

I watched the movie Julie & Julia over 2 days!! So, here goes my attempt at a movie review my ishtyle  ;). The movie was good. The acting was too – well with an actor like Meryl Streep what else can one expect? I liked the way the movie went back and forth between Julia Childs &  Julie.

The movie appealed to me as it involved quite a few things that I like – cooking, blogging. Isn’t it amazing that then and now, women are faced with hmph…what is there to do?! Julie (Amy Adams) has a full time job, takes care of her home, yet she had to set a target and keep it to realise that her life is not really wasted. Julia in her days had to fight to even enter Le Cordon Bleu. Hasn’t time changed anything at all? We still find ourselves wondering what is there to do? What would make us feel worthwhile – Is there something else? If one is a home maker, it is not enough. If one is working, she does not take good care of her home. Nothing is ever alright or fine! We have to go more than the extra mile to satisfy oneself. In retrospect, is it us we satisfy or people around us?! The expectations that we set up for ourselves – aren’t they ruled by what is expected of us by others sometimes?!

Back to the movie 😉 (spoiler alert)  I felt it captured the emotions of blogging pretty well – wondering who is out there reading, happiness to get a comment, or being ranked high! Emotions of a woman – well, Meryl Streep was just too good. The way she portrayed her happiness for her sister having a baby yet, the pain of her own being childless. I must say that watching the movie almost makes me wonder how a poached egg tastes 🙂 The blown attempts at trying out a recipe to the jubilation of getting it right. The adoration of a fan. The love for cooking. The boredom of a job. The not having a place to call home. Everything was covered well. The fight between Julie & her husband and how she related that to not being a good wife – and how she thought that Julia would be different and not fight. The love & support between the couples. The competition among friends…even McCarthy politics.

Over all –  a good watch.

From Malaysia with love :)

Or must I say From Thailand with love?! 🙂

A couple of days back, I came home to find mail with my name on it! I knew that Sulz would be sending this over, yet when you see the actual package, it just brings a smile to your face, a flutter in your heart. Physical mail has become so much of a rarity off late. Even the bills are e-bills!!

So, Sulz – here goes!! A big big thank you!!! I am so glad that I did sign up for your project – A piece of Thailand.

I did feel guilty about making her spend on postage and the piece of Thailand. She assured me that it is alright! I hope it still is 🙂

First thing that struck me, what a beautiful handwriting!! Mum also said the same. A was too wired up to know what was inside the envelope with birds and my name on it. 🙂 Opened it up to find a beautiful picture post card and a magnet. Will sure aim for the moon 😉 Thanks again Sulz!! You made our day. Once again – beautiful handwriting. The magnet now is added on to A’s collection which currently is one Tom & Jerry, one Superman sign. He claims it as his own!! 😀

Good…or otherwise?!

It has been a while since I posted. The last post I did was something that was in my drafts folder. What have I been up to?

Nothing really. At the same time, I could say I have been busy! Weird, right? I have been going through ups and downs emotionally. Most of the ups are totally thanks to my dear son A. The downs – well, guess better left alone I suppose.

The last few days I decided not to log on to check my mail even. It was more like a test to myself if I could stay away! ( The decision was aided by circumstances too 🙂 ) So, yeah I did not check my mail.

Today I did. What did I expect? Personal mails? I had close to 100 mails. Out of which 2 were mails bills, 1 survey, 2 personal mails (from Laksh). The rest were spam or some lousy horoscope mails (well spam again, right?)

So thanks Laksh!!! Your mails were more than consolation. 😀 So, how must I feel? Lousy that I don’t even get mails? or Well, it is no big deal even if I don’t log in, I don’t miss much?!

I just am vacillating between the two emotions right now. I know that I would probably end up on the lousy feeling which egged me on to write this post. I know I would get comments which would more than make my day 😀 This is also to say that I am right here and have not disappeared off the face of earth!!

How to Blacklist the trolls?

Having read this entry, I decided I should put this up for those who might want help in doing the same.

Here is how.

1. Click on the Settings link (upper right corner of page, next to Users link)
2. Click on Discussion link at top of page

3. Scroll down to Comment Blacklist box, paste the IPs in it. You could also type in words (words in its content, name, URL, e-mail, or IP.  It will match inside words, so “press” will match “WordPress”.) you find offensive too

4. Don’t forget to hit button on the page. 🙂

Let us all do away with trolls 🙂

Edit

To add the image to your side bar:

1. Click on Design link on the settings page.
2. Click on the Widgets link.
3. Add text from the list of available widgets.
4. Then click on the edit link provided in the text widget that is added to your sidebar
5. Copy paste the following to
<span><img src=”http://mirrorcracked.files.wordpress.com/2008/10/trolls.jpg&#8221; align=”center”><br/></span>
6. Click on the save changes button.

Common thread :)

I was just reading random blogs and landed on this entry. Common thread is in many ways, it was Laksh who inspired me to blog.

What other things struck me? The feeling of making friends in the blogsphere. People you don’t know suddenly become pillars of strength even during testing times. The need for assurance through comments. Blogging most of the time seems to be a place to vent or share. When somebody reacts to what has been keyed in, it feels pretty reassuring.

Certain other things that struck me was how many of us have similar stories or experiences. Makes one feel that there is someone out there who might be going through something similar – good or bad 🙂

Here’s to all my blogsphere friends. Thanks Laksh to have inspired me and others like me to get going like this 😀 Hope I have happier moments to share with all.