Choices

Do we have any in life? If we believe our destiny is decided already…do we really have any choice? We are also told destiny is what we make. Which theory would one believe in?

I think I have penned this before…everything seems to have contradictory views. Every proverb has an equal and opposite proverb!

  • Absence makes the heart grow fonder. ~ Out of sight, out of mind.
  • All good things come to those who wait. ~ Time and tide wait for no man.
  • Birds of a feather flock together. ~ Opposites attract.
  • You’re never too old to learn. ~ You can’t teach an old dog new tricks
  • Don’t cross your bridges before you come to them. ~ Forewarned is forearmed.
  • Doubt is the beginning of wisdom. ~ Faith will move mountains.

List goes on!! (like life 😉 ).

Off late, I have been thinking (duh….!) . I have been wondering if all I have been offered in life has been Hobson’s choice! It feels like I have a lot to choose from though in reality, there is nothing or just the one obvious. I have been looking back in all that has happened in life as far as my memory serves. I wonder if others share this thought process.I hope there are those who do think this way. I am being told that I over-think everything. May be I do!

Well, right now I do feel like I am taking life as it comes with the illusion that I am making choices (many bad ones at that most of the times! or so I believe that I made them!!).

Reminded of Joey from F.R.I.E.N.D.S asking “if you know what I mean…” and Monica answering “we always know!”. I feel like Joey right now!! :p

 

Battles…

I used to want to get it all. Argue, fight it out. Debate with every auto I got into about how they were swindlers. Nothing just went past!! 

I thought I had not changed. I have… Guess the adage is true! Change is the only constant thing in life. 🙂 Though still vocal about things that are wrong… I now decided to walk away from things I can avoid. 

Choose your battles wisely. After all, life isn’t measured by how many times you stood up to fight. It’s not winning battles that makes you happy, but it’s how many times you turned away and chose to look into a better direction. Life is too short to spend it on warring. Fight only the most, most, most important ones, let the rest go.

I have fought enough. Failed way too many times. May be that is why I am picking my battles now. 

Yeah I am being told that I am a coward, told I must face challenges, be an example to A… The list goes on. 

Funny how I seem to always be told how am supposed to do exactly the opposite to what I do! Always!! When I was fighting to save my marriage… Hey he has moved on. When I was trying to get my divorce done…. Hey think of A who needs a dad. I don’t want to work, am told it is wrong. I work then am told I don’t give enough time & attention to A. I get into disagreements with parents… Ignore them. I ignore… They are old why do you do that?? Makes it tougher for a typical libra like me!! 🙂

I am trying to find a balance. A cry to just let me be. If you can’t actually help … Do not advice. I am learning to accept what my life is. I have fought my entire life to keep changing it      . Now, I am tired of change. I know I can’t avoid whatever happens … But no am not going to volunteer to fight all battles. If I decide to walk away from one, so be it. 

If I am a coward, so be it. If I am weak, yes I am. It is not easy & yes I know life is not easy, Life is not fair. No one knows what is next… I have made many wrong choices, trusted wrong people. Can anyone assure me that they will help me always make the right choice?!  No is a resounding answer I hear. Will I trust anyone again? Highly doubt it! Way too many times I want to just shut off, save myself the trouble of interactions!! Am not a recluse by nature. Now, I want to be. Save myself the trouble!! 

There I go again… Screaming out thoughts inside my head!!