Happy Days

Yeah! Still here! 🙂

I really do need to at least login to WordPress (rather than just check on the app on my phone!) Boy! it looks so different.

What has been happening with me? Nothing to write about (not an excuse for not blogging – just the truth!).

Why the title Happy Days? I was nominated a while back by a friend to list three happy things and nominate friends to do the same for a week. I didn’t complete that – Got one bad news and that made me stop!

I had been thinking of taking this 100happydays challenge. Always kept thinking I don’t think I will be able to do that for a 100 days! I succumbed now and have signed up. I will be posting my happy picture of the day on Instagram – hopefully for a 100 days. Fingers crossed.

It does feel nice to actually do a post this way! I guess I do miss this!! Though like many, I guess I took to mini-blogging (twitter) or Instagram (a picture says a 1000 words?!?). I don’t think it is just because I have become lazy (which is true) but because I guess it is easier to mask emotions in those two forms! More bandwidth for pouring out here and I am avoiding it for that. Keep to myself, avoid questions and need to explain – agenda! I have been told I have a wall around me – “though friendly, talkative, you have a wall.” May be it is time to strengthen that wall – self-preservation.

Since my last post, I guess I have been pushed more to trust no one. It is amazing when people keep contacting you non-stop when they have a need & conveniently disappear when they have to keep their word. There is only so much one can take and it has hurt me financially – big time!!! Do not lend money to anyone – another lesson! 😦

“I am busy” – a constant excuse to not even say a “hello, how are you?” despite all the means of pinging someone (yeah – my pet peeve). So, why must I bother with someone who does not have even a few minutes? It is all about priority. Yeah when push comes to shove, they will all be there for me! Grateful for that! Thank you…but when it does come to that, why would I bother to contact them who are too busy? I read recently no one is ever that busy, it is all about priorities. I guess I must stick with acquaintances – not invest too much in any relationship. Be one of those who has a Facebook (read fake) life (on that note I must say I hardly post anything, random posts and click like on what I really do like). No wonder people are more depressed! One starts thinking that what one sees on the various Facebook posts is how their entire life is. Feel empty or unaccomplished since one does not share. I also do find a lot of negativity in many forums. A picture or post evokes so much of negative feedback, sometimes towards hatred! I am thankful I have a handful of friends who are true, honest and keep me grounded – quality friends :).

As usual, I digress! Happy days means happy thoughts!! It is said that this challenge would help boost mood, make one feel optimistic (especially for a self-proclaimed pessimist! 🙂 ),feel grateful, start noticing happy things, receive compliments(???), fall in love (?!? that is a laugh…). Wish me luck to complete this challenge. May be that will drive me to post more? At least I will have a post in 100 days to say how it went… or earlier of how I failed (hope not!)

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Friend?!

For the first time I blocked a person on my Facebook! I don’t generally add total strangers. In fact only friends of friends can see my profile. So, when this person added me as a “friend”. Checked his/her’s friend list for mutual friends. Saw the names of really good friends. Thought of pinging them and verifying, instead I was stupid & added the person. When the person pinged me, he/she (I could not figure out from the name! 🙂 ) said he/she didn’t know my friends either. We were added just like that!! Who does that? Why would one do that? Well I would not….anyways, I ended up “unfriending” after informing that I was going to do that. I find a friend request within minutes. I had to resort to blocking the person.

This made me wonder. What makes one a friend?

As we grow older, have we become more wary?  Is it one’s experiences or is it just plain paranoia?! One would have seen many memes saying Facebook friends are not real friends but don’t we all connect to so many through various such media? There is many a times that a person I have not met at all being a better friend than even someone I have known for ages!!

I do wish it were as easy in life to block people as it is on Facebook! Like I said, I never had done that earlier, and this was a first. So, may be I can learn how to block people in life outside the internet too?! Long way to go. Would it mean less hurt? or less experiences? All I did was not post anything here and…like an addict, I am back posting. I don’t know when I will again or if I will even…. I have no idea what I want to do! Not just to this blog but in general!! 😀

I was told I am a friendly person but not as open as people might consider me to be! This was not from one person but quite a few. They said yeah, you are friendly but have a wall around you. No one can really get close to you!! I don’t know! I always thought I was one huge open book that anyone can read & never held anything back (not so good considering a lot of things :p ). I guess I first have to learn who I am before knowing who my friends are?! 🙂 This said, I must say yet again like a lot of times earlier, I have one set of friends who are my major pillars of support. They know who they are! Thank you & sorry for all the times when I am a huge pain in the wrong place. Oh yes, I also do have those “friends” who come and go when they feel like and expect me to be just the same when they condescend to get back in touch! May be it is just me….who thinks with all this technology around, it takes just under a minute to send a message to say hey! and stay in touch. With so many means of communicating, I feel we still just don’t!

Things definitely were better back when we had no emails (or emails on the slowest of dial up connections – a luxury), only landline phones (sometimes even that would not be in our home). Yeah, I guess it is a sign of becoming old…saying in those good old days! 🙂  but they were definitely way better!!!! *Sigh* Just wish life were a lot simpler with no games being played & all being just plain straightforward… my utopia?!

 

 

Freedom!

I have written about how compulsive I am when it comes to phone calls or messages. I don’t ignore any of them. I would rather pick up & give a piece of my mind than let the call go. So one can imagine how much a part of my life my dear mobile phone has become.

It has made me feel less lonely (theoretically someone is just a phone call away). I think I have ranted enough of how people don’t have the etiquette to return calls/messages or just pick up the phone and call. So will spare my readers that….

I resisted adding an internet package to my phone saying I don’t want to get addicted to being online all the time. Well, I buckled and did that too! I jumped from one fruit to another and back. I love my gadgets (another known fact now to most of those friends who still visit this space).

So, why do I feel free? I was not talking about me being single now… 😉 Yes, my phone broke down. I have an iPhone5 now. It just keeps searching for my mobile network. Everything else works fine. I know am going to hear look you spent so much on a phone that just breaks down and all that crap (excuse my language…). No…I wish I would get freedom from that kind of attitude but hey everyone is entitled to an opinion!! 😀

I felt I would miss my phone like crazy! I did for say an hour. I went for offense is the best form of defense & before anyone could ask, I ended up saying oh my phone is not working saga!! In reality though, I just have this sense of how do I put it? relief?!

I hardly get one or two calls a day. I keep in touch with a couple of friends on whatsapp. Otherwise, I nowadays just seem to use the phone to check facebook, tweet or play games (getting addicted to temple run2). So, it seemed fine that I was not accessible. Don’t think anyone even would have noticed!! LOL!!

Nah, not giving up on my phone entirely. Hope it gets fixed. Fingers crossed but then I realised I am not addicted to it either. I can live without my phone and I am surviving. It really is no big deal. I can feel free…nothing to carry, no need to wonder if there is enough charge, spam texts not bothering me.

On my usual self analytic note, I guess once I accept that I have to live my life alone; it really might end up with me feeling free?! I probably will survive my ending up dead alone!! wow!! that is one oxymoron!! 🙂 I should just start telling myself it is that simple stupid!!

PS: For the very few (1 or 2) if you do read this space, I will be back to troubling you once my phone is set right!! No freedom for you!!

Off Facebook

I know I have not blogged since around Christmas last year. So I must say I have been off blogging and off Facebook. The latter since October last year. It started off with lots of thoughts running in my mind as usual 🙂 Wondering why I must be on a social networking site where I really was not interested in reading mundane status updates & I didn’t have much to actually do status updates. I had also brought down photos of A from the site much earlier (rather increased privacy options for those albums). Then came a challenge from a good friend saying I could not stay off the internet at all. I deactivated my Facebook account then. Many didn’t realise I was off the site now. Some turned around and asked where I was and whether I had taken them off my list :). I get the “oh! you must have read that on Facebook” and when I say “Am off Facebook”, I am received with a gamut of reactions from why to what is wrong with you?!

I can honestly say I do not miss Facebook after nearly 6 months of not being on it. I had no withdrawal symptoms! 🙂 I still am on Twitter,LinkedIn, come online (mostly invisible) on gtalk or yahoo chat. I read my mails regularly – though the actual personal mails I receive average probably at 1 or 2 a week!! 🙂 Am not doing much here at my popularity rating am I?!

The last few months have actually made me wonder about friendship & evaluation of the same. Was laughing at the fact that some felt offended that I probably had taken them off my friends’ list to being touched by some’s concern that I had gone bonkers to be offline. LOL!! 🙂 I was asked if I was surprised that some did not even notice my absence, I said not at all to them… after all each of us have 100s in our list, how would one know if someone went missing unless you interact with them on a daily basis?!

Started wondering how much we give importance to being “friends” on Facebook. Is that being a friend? May be I am old fashioned. To me, a friend is one who will stand by me, through all my stupid emotions (ping ponging as someone recently said); some one who I can call and share a joke or my pains whatever the case might be then. I will do that to anyone who I call a friend. I will not evaluate friendship (yes heard that too!! ) Alright, I digress here though not entirely. Guess I am trying to say that the value of friendship is somehow lost somewhere or so I feel. I am glad that I still have some friends who I can bank on who are used to my ping-pong emotions (and have said hey you are human…if you were a robot may be you won’t have all that and would also be boring! 🙂 ), who do give me the time of day if I needed a shoulder to cry on or hold my hand, just be there for me. It is difficult when life’s responsibilities take over and friendship does take a backseat many times but all of us acknowledge that we will be there in need. May not be able to take away the pain that one feels of an ailing child or loneliness – but be understanding. Thanks to all those friends who I don’t talk/chat with often but I do know they are there; have been for ages now.

I must also say that I am being really wary of new people thanks to my recent experiences. I do not want people who are weighing in whether they need to be friends. Sorry! stay away!!