Thank you!

My horoscope today reads

You are extremely appreciative of the people who love you and support your dreams, but sometimes you get so busy that you can take them for granted. However, your gratitude for their presence may be on your mind now that value-conscious Venus is traveling though socially aware Aquarius in your 5th House of Self-Expression. Stop what you are doing and use whatever technology is handy to thank someone special for being a part of your life. The healing energy of your words sends out ripples of kindness in unforeseen ways.

I am truly appreciative of people who do love and support me ( the number is not too high….) I definitely do not take any one of them for granted…ever!!

A huge thank you to each and everyone in the list! Ever grateful for being there for me (and A …).

That list of mine has A on it for his blind love and support for me!! I think he deserves the biggest shout out! I probably don’t say it too many times…I probably say in anger or jest that A should not be around. I love you and am so thankful for you kanna!!

I keep coming back!

I thought I would stop blogging. Never return to this space and pen my “Random Ruminations”… but I just keep coming back. I remember way back when I started blogging, had a BlogSpot then. It was just to record events or thoughts….this transformed to a place where I poured my heart out. Eventually moved to WordPress. Journey continued. My blog has been a place where I vented/ ranted/ shared a lot. It has given back too – Friends and fellow bloggers like Nikhil, Sharada, Praddy, Vino, Scorpria, Bhargavi, Aparna, Imp’s Mom…actually a really long list…. (note to self: when time permits, add their blog links 🙂 ). Was lovely to have met quite a few of them, form friendships beyond the web.There are some who have become friends after reading all that I have written!! (God! you do have patience 🙂 ), have egged me on to continue posting. Thanks to all!

I decided to stop blogging because I did not want to keep venting or ranting. I didn’t want to be all positive either and not be me!! Since I could not do the balancing act (Libra in me?!), I decided to quit…..and I am back here (Libra indecisiveness?! 😉 )

What has happened since my last post?! Way back in October! Wow! I have stayed away that long!!!! I have been off Facebook completely. Deactivated my account mid-October I think. I confess there were certain days when I wanted to log in and check. Got over that urge in a few minutes and I have been away. Someone said that was brave of me. Don’t know where that stems from, though I do think it is quite an achievement for me for having still not gone back to that place! (I am not saying I won’t…..look where it got me here! :p ). I did complete my 100 happy days. Again an achievement (as a wonderful friend said a huge achievement considering the garbage that goes on in my head!)

Obviously there have been lows. Self doubt haunting me as ever. Times I wanted to totally give up. I feel I put A through impossible times! Situations at work. Lots of ups and downs – Downs always overwhelms a person like me into thinking when will this every end? I know the answer is never and it probably might never get easier despite all the clichés.

I am grateful for true friends who have stuck by me and my madness…some of them have even made it past a decade or two!! (I must not be that bad a person and hope I can remain good friend to them! 🙂 ). Despite loads of differences, the solid support I get from my parents is something that I must not forget. In a way I am also thankful for those “friends” who have let me down in more ways than one for the lesson they taught me – some doing way more damage than I can imagine 😦

It is easy to forget and stray away, delve deep into that abyss of depression. I have fallen into that way too often. Thanks to those who help me get over that – some of you are really patient and have way too much of endurance! (If you are reading this, you know who you are! 🙂 ). I must add this….I have a wonderful son! A is indeed a gem of a guy, a blessing – one who comes to hug me when I ask for one, smiles & laughs and endures my moods of anger, despair, doubt, depression, feeling of being lost! Love him loads!