Maybe…

I am penning (ok typing!) this as I sit in a place where I have spent many a summer. Memories flood in. It feels the same yet so different.

I am sitting in a corner, sipping on some coffee. People watching. As I said it feels the same yet different. Am not ready to engage in conversation with anyone. A lady walks by asks if she can sit next to me. Says she is waiting for someone. I smile and just nod. I return to my book , happy to catch up with my reading at last. The place is definitely noisier than how I remember it. Familiar smells from the cafe wafts in wishing I get up and get myself the cake. I desist. Back to reading looking up and around at all.

I feel a hand at my shoulder. Startled I look up to see A. His class was on a break. Asked him if he wanted anything. Gave him money. He comes back with the cake!! Exclaims that piece of cake was ₹50!! Told him to just eat :). Smiling knowing he will offer it to me. And he does!!

He goes on about the hour and half of what has happened. Told him it was time for him to get back. He rushes off leaving a huge piece saying finish it off amma!

Back to my book and cake! Thought will pen this memory down as A also enjoys his classes as I did when I was a child younger than him. Hope he cherishes this place as much as I do.

I probably am in touch with just two friends who shared the times I had here. More so because I went to school with them too. Days when all didn’t have phones. Forget mobile phones we didn’t even exchange landline numbers :). Boy I feel as old as I am!

Yeah I do wish it was quieter and cooler like how it used to be. Change with times I guess.

What suddenly strikes me is how I didn’t want to say hello to anyone, if I saw someone look at me, I just smiled and went back to my book and now my mobile. Have I changed? How is it that I don’t feel like striking up a conversation?? No one really seems interesting enough for me to engage. Maybe I am just too engrossed in memories. Maybe it will change in weeks to come as I will be here for the next three months. Maybe…

Sunday Stealing! & life changes

I got a mail from Mr. Lance of Sunday Stealing…for this. Then got a pingback from Dayle Fraschilla who took up the meme here. 🙂 Thanks! 🙂
This reminded me of how it was taking memes. Making friends on this blog. Over time, my blogging frequency has come down. I don’t even remember what was the last meme I did. I do read most of my favourite blogs but don’t leave comments like I used to. Pity that I don’t even seem to rant as much or share anything… wondering why?!I am tempted to retake the same meme at least some of the questions, just to see if life has changed?! Nah!!! Life definitely has changed since this. Been two years!! I have changed jobs (I didn’t have one then!), A is 2 years older. I am 2 years older & wiser 😉 (ok…that I probably never will be). I guess I don’t trust people like I used to.( well still not too good at this yet! Needs more work). I also need to learn how to tell people exactly what to do to themselves when they comment on my life choices. I am always up for a debate but not ready to hear judgemental comments on anything which includes topics like who I spend time with, what I wear, how I must raise my kid, spend my money etc…
I have changed my mobile quite a few times since 😉 (yeah…I like gadgets, make the effort to save money to buy them so people who comment on this habit…here goes – my money, my wish). In fact I have also changed my car, dress sizes (up and down and up…). This is as far as material things go.
Oh how can I forget?!?! I am officially legally single. Ok…in Chennai I am a divorcee. I have a globally acceptable document that says this!!  Thanks to my divorce happening in NY, USA and me living here in India; trying to get a passport without the name of the spouse on it (yeah…you can get a person’s entire life story if possible from Indian passports), I had to learn what an Apostille document is. I had to even educate a few officers in the passport office here.
I thought I have come a long way when it comes to battling depression since Feb 2009. This was yesterday. Today I am not so sure. I have to be honest here, I still battle with thoughts of suicide, sending A to his father & just disappearing hoping to make people happier at least then. Crux is I don’t think I have won that battle or am I even close to it when it comes to depression 😦 Have my ups and downs…
As usual my thoughts are all over the place. Well I am living up to being the ruminator…I have to stop ruminating I suppose :D.
The tagging at least has given me an excuse to scribble here…
Here is to hoping that this year is better for me and those few readers I still have or any of those new ones who happen to accidentally find their way here (that is some optimism from some one like me who prides in being a pessimist in capital bold letters 🙂 )

Bored!

Today was a bad day considering there was no power at home from 9.30 am till almost 4.30 in the evening!!

Which meant, no TV, no internet! With my son A in not really the pink of health; he falling sick ever so often off-late and the weather Gods also not being so favorable today – going out was also not an option! 😦

So what did we do? We played with his train set, then his building blocks; ended up finishing his homework (4 sheets! 🙂 lol) …then slept!! Thanks to the inverter; we had lights & fan (no TV cos my cable provider had his power cut too!)

Just made me think of the good old days when power cuts happened, no inverters; forced candle-lit dinners, family time or just sitting outside under the stars chatting away with neighbours catching up on gossip. Care-free times? Atleast for me it was 🙂

It also reminded me of the time I had when the NY blackout happened. That made me reminisce of what I just wrote. All neighbours came out, we were talking (no gossips…just talking infact, got introduced for the first time in years!!) I was amazed at how some did not know you could light your gas stove with a match stick!!!! I found out there was a gas station close to my place there which used a good old pump with no electricity. I also found out I was the only one in the area who had a phone hooked up not using electricity! So, quite a few came home to make calls 🙂 Interesting day it was.

Well, may be some day, today might turn interesting. Having spent “quality” time with A 😀 Though, I think right now, right here; A and I would have liked to do something else (may be not A 😉 guess he did enjoy the playtime)