What do you want?

Confusion
What do you want?

This is a question I have been & am being asked a lot.

I found this link when I googled the question! (Yeah I googled it to see if I can find some answer!!)

There are quite a few things that I resonate with. I am not too Zen kind of a person….

So…what do I want?! (From that list in random…)

  1. to have some clarity of mind;
  2. to be in the ocean of love and wisdom;
  3. to feel connected and not separated and lost would change my life;
  4. to stop searching answers to unanswerable questions and just live;
  5. it would drastically change my life having a clear objective and a clear way of pursuing it;
  6. to be intimate and less afraid;
  7. to have peace of mind;
  8. to be free from worry and fear
  9. to have silence in my head;
  10. to turn off that inner voice always talking;
  11. to get rid of unwanted negative thoughts;
  12. to stop judging my thoughts;
  13. to be able to find fulfillment in my career.
  14. to feel more free, and that my many, many obligations would not be an obstacle to feel free.
  15. to know that what I’m doing is worthwhile – raising kids (well A in my case), the work I do, the way I live my life and interact with people

Wow!! That is quite a list right?! Well…. This exercise has just left me thinking that I clearly don’t know what I want or this is too general a list?!? I think these are things that most people want and are in pursuit of.

I just know that I still quite don’t know what I want! All I want is that I don’t make any mistakes that will affect my child in any wrong way!!! If God exists, just give this to me!! He has had enough trauma in this short time to last him a lifetime. He deserves happiness, a carefree childhood. I want that!

That is my train of thought. I think I am insane!!!!

Why oh why?!

I was going from one channel to another on the radio. Sick of ads saying – special for International Women’s day!! Do we really need one in this day and age? If so, why & where?
UN.org says this for why women’s day… Impatient optimists at Bill & Melinda Gates foundation say this on why still?
Yes, I understand there are many places where uplifting of women is needed. No arguments there at all.
Me personally, I don’t want a special day. I want to just be treated on par. I seriously do not want a women’s bank as proposed by the FM in the budget. My reaction was like for what joy?! I do not want special quotas anywhere. I must get something because I am worthy of that. I want to prove myself for the skills & knowledge I have. Not because I am a woman! If I apply for a ration card, and am posed a question “who is the head of the family?”; if I respond saying that I am….I want the guy there to accept it – not retort asking who my father is or husband is!!!! I am not an object of sex to be gaped at, but a fellow human being to be seen at with respect that I would proffer to the other.
Don’t get me wrong….on a lighter note, yes I want someone special to treat me as someone special πŸ˜‰ not just on this day…but every day!!! πŸ˜‰ Just waiting for that someone who will treat me as an equal and consider me special πŸ˜‰
I find that people are making this a huge joke!! Special offers, discounts, contests, walks, special messages to the special women, remembering women who have excelled in their fields. Excuse me…if we are special on this day, we are special everyday!! Those women who are achievers need to be acknowledged all the time; not just on this particular day. Alright, let all this be done…how much of the proceeds made through these sales actually go to say save a girl child from being aborted/murdered?!
I know it might sound like blasphemy but I do not support celebrating womanhood on one particular day. Do we stop being women on other days?!
I want a society where it is no big deal for a woman to walk into a pharmacy, with men around or not…and ask for a sanitary napkin without being embarrassed. Why even ask for a condom (ok…I know considering the circumstances here in India that is a stretch for now! πŸ™‚ ). Isn’t having periods a part of being a woman?! Why whisper?!?!
We have come far in terms of equality for women and oppression. Voting, Representation, leadership, education. I know we have a long way to go to be really equal (may be when it is not considered blasphemy when I say let the guy take on the girl’s name and vice versa…after all they are getting married to each other! πŸ™‚ )
I wish people understand the significance of the day than make it so commercial that it actually loses its value.
Think I have ranted enough! πŸ˜€ Do let me know how many share my views. Am open to hearing opposing views too….

PS: I found that international men’s day is on November 19th! How many knew that?!?!

Roots?

In a previous post, I had written I feel like I don’t belong neither here nor there. Went on and on about how I felt like I did not belong, that I felt like having been uprooted without ever growing roots! (I know I am weird!!! )

Anyways….why all this revamp?! No big deal!! Last weekend I got something for A. It just felt like I started to feed the hoarder in me in a teeny weensy way πŸ˜‰ I had ordered for the small bookshelf

As can be seen, a lot more books to be bought for him to fill the shelf. On my things to do listΒ  now πŸ˜€

So, how can some one go get only one thing from a shop…right? Intention was to get just that! On the delivery day, A, my dad & I went there. The shopkeeper lured us into getting this….
A also wanted this chair. Guess he wanted a place to put Apu‘s mum’s gift which is that pillow on the chair πŸ™‚

Felt good doing this bit of shopping. It was as if an attempt to settle down here is being made. To try and belong?!

Now, like the sanyasi who started growing a cat…. I guess I need to start getting more stuff and something called a house to well…house all this! πŸ˜€ Too much to ask for?!

Well may be this is just the beginning to growing roots here πŸ™‚