Another year

This is the time of year when all of is look back at the year past; balance sheet it.
I can honestly say I didn’t want to, yet here I am doing so. Well that is me.
I must start off knowing my dear A is doing well! Apart from usual childhood bouts of cold/flu/fever; he has been my rock. One huge plus! Work front after a few bumps here and there is going on alright. Learning curve right now is huge but loving it.
Relationships have always been a sore point for me. This year is no exception. Not getting into details must say that it has been terrible. Especially the last few months. I wish I could erase it out. I have hope that it is not ruined completely. Hope they do say is the eternal spring of life. I definitely need it to carry on. I wish the very best to this particular person ( and despite all others saying otherwise I do believe/trust/ love; hope this is not a closed chapter but just a pause). I came across more hypocrites, judgemental people who claimed not to be so, kind hearted souls through this turmoil. I care less about society now than ever. I care even less about money which I found seems to be the driving force for many!!
I don’t know even remotely what is in store for me. I do wish for things but the realist in me kicks in and tells me to get a grip, tells me this is it; if at all it would only get worse.
A year older, none the wiser. Still in search and now don’t even know what I am in search for. God (if in existence) help me. More so my kid!
I do plan to take a few steps to change my life ( a little or drastic depends on the perspective I guess). For those who have endured me through not just this year but longer – thank you. Sheer gratitude for just staying & being there. Those who have left I hope it is not a goodbye forever. I do not prescribe to the “move on” attitude. If someone has crossed that line of being a friend from an acquaintance; it is not to say goodbye at another point. Life is too short to hold grudges. I am not perfect and don’t ever claim to be. In this short time why be hateful?
I would rather want to remember the good things about someone than their shortcomings.
This post has been out down with a heavy heart. Here is to hoping that few of my wishes take shape in this coming year.

Advertisement

Is it just me?

Is it just me? I am told that I think too much, over-think and what not! I am just worried about making more mistakes and messing things up for me. More importantly, I do not want to mess things up for A.

I am facing a crucial decision. Do I leave A here with my parents to pursue my so-called career? Do I change things yet again, take him along (struggle with the nightmare of school admissions in India, after school care with me working late almost every day)? Do I not take this up, quit & find something else to do (have nothing right now with not many prospects for a person like me)? Is my so-called career that important?

I may be mad. Questions bog my mind down. I really am tired of trying & failing over and over again. I am scared! This is a time I wish I did not have A in my life so it would not make a difference even if I failed.

On a different note…..What is it with some people?! They behave a certain way. If you do the same to them, they are all how can you? What is wrong with you etc..?! I am just tired of social interactions even. People seem to want to interact just if they want to. I am tired of people who I now feel are so superficial, artificial!! I find way too many people treat others as “use & throw”. Any kind of relationship seems to come with an expiry date! It is scary to even think of becoming someone’s friend. One wonders when will one become unnecessary…. ready to be thrown away! May be I am just tired of being the one who tries to keep it going – pinging/mailing/calling. At a point, I do feel like am I that desperate? Why can I not just not bother and only answer if the other contacts me?! Everyone does seem OK with this on & off kind of behaviour at all levels of relationships! I am not!!!

I guess it is just me!! I don’t know when this will end? My never ending questions & doubts….. probably when I end?! May be people like me should be extinct?!?

 

Communication

This post is up as a result of my unyielding but relentless efforts at contacting a few people. One assumes that in this day & age, reaching someone would be child’s play – that is true only if that person wants to communicate.

Gone are the days when one had to actually write a letter, put a pen to paper – make that effort, write, address it & post it. It depended on the postal service if it would eventually reach the recipient or not.

Weren’t people a little more communicative in those times!?

Weird! Almost everyone has at least one mobile phone, one email ID. There are so many social networking sites, twitter and what not. Yet, why has it become such an effort to get in touch with some one?!

One calls, the call is not answered. Worse, most people do not even return those missed calls!!! Mails go unanswered. I wonder if it is the skeptical me but are people generally being more rude than ever?! Does etiquette even get featured here?!

Personally, I tend to reply to mails sent to me (if at all!!! 😉 ), answer all IMs, tweets if I am mentioned, respond to messages on my Facebook wall. It is not that I have no work at all as that seems to be the most popular excuse.” I am busy!!!”

Was wondering if it were just me or people are ignoring others intentionally even (think this because there are caller-ids! 🙂 ). Is it  a message to say hey I don’t want to be friends with you any more? Like breaking up over a text message, may be this is the not so subtle way of saying get off my life!?

Being unreachable with so many means of communicating sounds utterly ridiculous to me. It is not like one is in the remote Amazonian jungle with absolutely no connectivity at all (or am I in stone age and there is superb connectivity even there?! :D). Communication means seem to have evolved, but unfortunately I feel that most people have decided not to use these effectively! Keeping in touch with each other could never be easier, yet it seems like such a chore!!

Here is to technology! Let us all make effective use of it! To those who want to be rude, I really don’t know what to say not that you care!