3 months since last post..

What has changed? Well, I don’t seem to have time for anything at all. Not even to read my favourite blogs let alone penning my insane thoughts here. Don’t seem to spend any time with A either. What have I been doing then??

Settling down into my job. Getting used to the schedule, the people. Have I? Honest answer – No. The pluses so far: Found a few friends- Wonderful folks. Realised how important the time I spend with A is. Learnt that it is only I who has to change. Society remains and will remain the same!!!

I must say that A has been wonderful. Touchwood. He has been a good student, coping with seeing me only for the hour in the morning when I send him off to school and the weekends. Guess it is me who feels guilty. I feel like I am not being responsible especially when he has only me! My inability to cope makes me snap at him, the one person I really love. He still comes with his cute little smile and hugs me!
I must have done something good sometime to deserve this love from my kid!!! πŸ™‚

I am now wondering (guess like all working mothers in the world) if a career is worth it or the time you spend with your kid. Being the Libra I am, weighing the pros & cons a lot!! Don’t know & confused…

A few things I do want people to know: that, just because you break down into tears/are emotional does not mean you are not strong or that you don’t have reason! Just because you have not decided on an objective & can’t say what it is does not mean you are not focused. It is not like one does not change course in life. Lucky are those who have stuck to what they wanted and got there. I am not that lucky. I have had to change so many times, that now I just go as life goes. Make the best of what is put forth to me & avoid the depression due to disappointment if I have to change once more if I decide on a path. No iron-clad guarantee that I would be able to get what I want….thing is I didn’t change paths because I gave up; I had to change because of circumstances.

Wondering now as to when I can actually share a happy post to those few who still take the time to read my ruminations!!! Wonder when I will actually find my niche – I am told I am old & should know what I want or have to do. I don’t.

I just know I don’t want to fall into depression. I don’t want to think of leaving/disappearing & abandoning my son. I must confess that I am not being so successful! 😦

Guess I need a break – not from blogging πŸ˜‰



Super Juggler Mom!!??

I have been thinking of penning my thoughts about this topic for quite sometime now. As usual, an article in The Hindu has triggered me off. It has one statement “Ms. Super Juggler Mom (pardon the stereotypes, but let’s admit to the diminishing community of those going against the tide in our times)” which left me a bit piqued. I am one of those who is a housewife or home maker or domestic engineer or whatever the term used currently. I want to pitch in what my ideas or experience has been.
I find myself constantly defending my choice/circumstance to stay home.
People all around expect you to be “Ms Super Juggler Mom” if not you are a loser!! There have been variations of this thought conveyed to me directly or subtly whatever the other person’s style. If you still chose to stay with your choice, you are also a quitter πŸ™‚
Such prodding does get to oneself after a while. I am not that strong a person and such comments heard in weak moments breaks me and I end up crying, venting out my frustration or just fume with anger or whatever is considered not right!! πŸ˜‰ At such times, I so want to go get a job and do it all…be that mom that is described. Saner moments, I think I should give all the attention possible to my kid. I don’t want to miss out on moments with him. Make him delicious fresh food for every meal and snack.
I had all that when I grew up. My mother had a master’s degree and yet chose to stay home to take care of us. Nobody questioned her choice then….
On this note, I should mention that I was with women of my mother’s age recently at a family event. All those women were of the opinion that women should be financially independent and some followed with the comment saying may be that is why there are so many divorces too with the children suffering in the end.
Even if shows like Oprah say that the stay at home mom has the toughest job; it is definitely not a widely accepted opinion. Or characters in movies glorify the choice to stay at home (the movie Monalisa Smile comes to mind). May be in theory, it is great….but women like me are definitely pressurised to get a job and do the juggling act to prove if not to anyone else, to themselves that they can. I have quite a few friends who go through the same and vacillate between staying at home and working. They like me are also picked upon for being that ambivalent…sometimes with really rude opinions.
May be I just need a little more strength, self-esteem to stand by my conviction and not be swayed by other people!! As long as I don’t need the job for financial reasons, I hope I can devote my time to my son…and hope to God that I am not put in a situation where necessity takes over!