‘Tis the Season!

As Google Doodle today says….‘Tis the season! The time when one reflects on the year past and the year/life ahead.

Looking back at the year I have had – less drama from years before? May be not! I had enough of that at work. It is little solace to know that it is not over! So earlier this year, I embarked onto a project with shifts (shifting shifts at that!) Apart from the politics, impact on health & time was huge. So, moved on then got into another project that I was looking forward to working on. Alas it was not to be! Back to bench. Again some ensuing drama, tiff with management, I did get picked for a short term project that did not kick off at all.Β Back to bench (which has become a phenomenon in my life this year…BTW, I am benched now again). I attended scores of training sessions.

Through this time, met aΒ motley crew of people few of whom have gone on to become good friends. Of course there are a few I wish I had never crossed paths with. Have had my dose of humour in interacting with some too!! In effect, at the work front, I have not gone anywhere and have this weird feeling that if at all, it is that I have fallen back! Sigh!

Home – pretty much goes with same old same old. Nature forced us to be together with nothing else to do early this month. It also saw me find people rise above just to help! All one had to do was ask, and response was immediate from various fronts. It makes one believe in humanity and goodwill! It also made me see people whose reactions amazed me! Well there are many different views and people!

I did manage to catch up on some reading. Feels good to just read. Long list of books on the to read list! Lifetime not enough!! I completed the 100HappyDays challenge (mentioned it in a post earlier). Been posting pictures on Instagram.

The year has seen me battle with health issues that started while working those shifts. It does scare me about how it is going to be with getting

fat

older! Depression showed up quite a few times. It can never be my long lost/forgotten friend I suppose! πŸ™‚

Yes, am also the same fat self! No
change there as well!! πŸ™‚ Really liking the minion quotes…and this one πŸ˜‰ Β or something that goes about not being able to fit all the personality in a tiny body!! I kid myself! I need chocolate, coffee, cake and may be more! :p

A is growing up (he was asking when he will be a teenager!! πŸ˜€ ). I wonder how he will turn out despite all that we are going through & I am putting him through. I sure do hope that clichΓ© about what does not kill you makes you stronger is true!! Β He has had his share of disappointments this year – one really huge one. I was amazed at how he handled that!! Amazed especially when I was seething with anger and more so by some inane reactions – a whole other post can be written on those!! Yes…he is growing!! (and I am not! )

A few friends of mine at work have moved or are moving to other cities. I think if someone wants to move from Chennai, they just need to become good friends with me. Am a lucky charm for it! πŸ™‚ I am super happy for them as that is what they want though it also is difficult to know they are moving (selfish much!?). Caught up with some others and renewed friendships. Thanks to social media & smart phones we still endeavour to stay in touch.

As is the case of gaining, it also brings with it losing those you think are friends. Well this year not so much. Knock onΒ wood. Though it did bring in a time when I saw the true self of some people. The not so endearing true self. As a person who does not write off anyone easily, they just moved to becoming people I know and interact with. Also wondering where some friends have disappeared and hope to hear from them. If you are reading this, please ping and let me know all is well! πŸ™‚

What are the wordsΒ that resonate for me this year? Humanity, Blessing and well stagnation, doubt (hey if you have been reading my blog you must know that it will not be all positive!! πŸ™‚ )

What am I looking forward to next year? Nothing! I maintain that I am better equipped when I expect nothing and even the little that may come my way pleases me. No dreams, no expectations …absolutely nothing!Β Do I have new year resolutions?! Nope!

Lesson learnt: Life goes on… (well not a lesson more a fact. It just keeps getting reiterated).

Happy Holidays to all!!Β 

Another year

This is the time of year when all of is look back at the year past; balance sheet it.
I can honestly say I didn’t want to, yet here I am doing so. Well that is me.
I must start off knowing my dear A is doing well! Apart from usual childhood bouts of cold/flu/fever; he has been my rock. One huge plus! Work front after a few bumps here and there is going on alright. Learning curve right now is huge but loving it.
Relationships have always been a sore point for me. This year is no exception. Not getting into details must say that it has been terrible. Especially the last few months. I wish I could erase it out. I have hope that it is not ruined completely. Hope they do say is the eternal spring of life. I definitely need it to carry on. I wish the very best to this particular person ( and despite all others saying otherwise I do believe/trust/ love; hope this is not a closed chapter but just a pause). I came across more hypocrites, judgemental people who claimed not to be so, kind hearted souls through this turmoil. I care less about society now than ever. I care even less about money which I found seems to be the driving force for many!!
I don’t know even remotely what is in store for me. I do wish for things but the realist in me kicks in and tells me to get a grip, tells me this is it; if at all it would only get worse.
A year older, none the wiser. Still in search and now don’t even know what I am in search for. God (if in existence) help me. More so my kid!
I do plan to take a few steps to change my life ( a little or drastic depends on the perspective I guess). For those who have endured me through not just this year but longer – thank you. Sheer gratitude for just staying & being there. Those who have left I hope it is not a goodbye forever. I do not prescribe to the “move on” attitude. If someone has crossed that line of being a friend from an acquaintance; it is not to say goodbye at another point. Life is too short to hold grudges. I am not perfect and don’t ever claim to be. In this short time why be hateful?
I would rather want to remember the good things about someone than their shortcomings.
This post has been out down with a heavy heart. Here is to hoping that few of my wishes take shape in this coming year.

Reflections

Happy New Year y’all! Done with resolutions? Broken some already?! πŸ™‚ Don’t quite know if I have any readers left… steadily reduced posting in this space of mine.

I have been contemplating seriously of getting my own space (as in renting a proper apartment) and stressing out on the pros & cons; neglecting this place which is mine 😦 Anyways, as the title goes -thought I would reflect a wee bit on the year past. So here goes…

Was it good? kinda!

I had an amazing time in the few getaways with amazing friends of mine & of course A. We connected at an amazing level! Can’t wait to do yet another trip somewhere πŸ™‚

A turned a year older and he is cuter than ever πŸ˜€ OK…mommie’s pride – I am allowed that!!!!! I turned a year older too, hopefully a bit wiser too πŸ˜‰

The divorce has finally been filed, so guess it is a matter of time before it is over & done with.

Made some new friends who I hope are long term ones. Met some old ones after ages.

Did somethings that I never thought I would. Quite an experience. Don’t know where all that is going, nevertheless some wise souls say that I must not think but just do. “Nike” Β in life a close friend of mine told me πŸ™‚

Less problems with parents (May be they just let go thinking well no point in telling anything to me…but then just that it has been a better year with them!)

Some close friends had babies. Yet to go see them (embarassed!!!) though that does not reduce my happiness for them!

Was 2009Β bad?! Kinda!

Had problems at work. Still have not learnt how to deal with such ordeals.I cannot figure out why all that happened! Been told everyone has an agenda but why me?! Ok…I must never ask that anywhere! I have to mention here that I am still on a contract that ends this month end. So, doubt in life after that.

Had major bouts of depression now and then. I thought I would not get to a place which I left behind long back, yet found myself there quite a few times. Reasons for going there varied, but still got there. πŸ˜₯

Misunderstanding with my close friend looms large! Just don’t like it, don’t know how to deal with it. Can’t just cut off neither can I let go. Process of growing up?!

Troubled a wee bit by how finicky people are. 6 months after getting married, people start thinking of divorce!!!! Have we become so intolerant, uncompromising?

Got some bad news from friends too. I so wish that they all get what they want as they deserve it!!!! Just their endurance with having me as a friend earns them major brownie points πŸ˜‰

Small things yet feels so big… still trying to figure out how to get a loan for a car without pay slips (again falls back to being a temp employee)

Blogged less. Hence cribbed less here?! I guess the few posts I did, I just poured things! πŸ™‚

I have not done things I am supposed to do. Been so scattered!

In retrospect, I guess I had an average year. Not great, neither too bad.

What does this year hold for me?! – I don’t know! That bugs me. I know that no one knows what is in store for them. Just that I am tired of this state for a long long time in life now! I guess & hope that the divorce is over & done with. Other than that, nothing.

I don’t generally make any resolutions. I don’t think I can keep any! Lose weight – I must. Gym more -yes! Be a good mother – I better be for A’s sake πŸ™‚ ! Keep my friends – rather I hope not to push them away! πŸ˜‰ Blog more? – Don’t know! I kept away from this just so that I don’t keep posting depressed posts. Get a space of my own, a car – becoming more long term plan rather impossible plans!

Just hoping that things don’t get to be worse than they are. Being the Libra that I am, the balance better be maintained!! πŸ˜‰

As PhoenixRitu had written as a status message

They tell me God does not give you more than you can handle … Man! Does He have too many expectations of me!

Honestly, I don’t think I can handle anything more!!! Enough is enough…just let me be πŸ˜€

PS: This post is as scattered as my brain has been so far! πŸ™‚ I have not bothered about grammar, structure or any such thing – Sorry. Just wrote as I thought/felt!

Another day, Another year…

Like many others on the blogosphere, I did plan to do a balance check of the year 2008 & to list resolutions for this year.

The first did not quite work out. Well, turns out the previous year was totally imbalanced. Too askew for a Libra. I did have some πŸ˜€ days. Wish I got them back and they sustained. My son started LKG ( a long haul ahead!). I made some wonderful new friends (thanks to blogging) and renewed contacts with some old ones. Thanks to them for being a pillar of support in the askew times.

The second – well, I have never made any resolutions ever. I thought I would make the resolution to exercise regularly & diet. I was reminded by a friend that not only is that old school thought but is a necessity to leading a healthy life. Thanks πŸ™‚ So, here is to leading a healthy life.

What do I wish for? World peace? πŸ˜€ . I am not a contestant in a beauty paegent (never aspired to be and cannot even if I did πŸ˜‰ ) but world peace does not hurt. Anyways, on personal grounds, I guess any reader of this blog knows what I wish for :D. Just in case, I hope God (if one exists! ) stops using me as a punching bag to give me a reprieve.

So, why the title? January 1st does not make a difference in any way. It just seems like another day. 2009 is another year. That probably is the jaded me talking. I did wish one and all a very happy new year! πŸ˜€ and I am wishing all those who stop by here a really good year ahead πŸ™‚

Hope there are many πŸ˜€ posts and less rants this year. Hope the same time next year, I don’t say it is just another day, another year (hey! just realised, may be it is a sign that I am more mature πŸ˜‰ ) Lots more I am hoping for me and all around me.