Navarathri

My fourth post titled “Navarathri”!!! 2007, 2008, 2011 & this! For those mathematically inclined, predict when my next Navarathri post will be!! Method to madness!

I read my previous posts. Each one had amma mentioned. I had imaginary conversations with her this time! First Navarathri after she left us. She was a stickler for tradition. I knew I would arrange the dolls for Navarathri this year – after the one year mark of her passing away. I was wondering if I would do the for tradition’s sake and place a few dolls near the altar, or do one step with dolls or a small one? Get off my lazy arse and assemble the modular steps?! Choices galore. Placed a coffee table, put the white cloth on it….then decided to add two more steps using my step stool! So there the base was done. Three mini steps!! Now to arrange the dolls… as I unwrapped the paper around the dolls, found almost all being huge! Some were bigger than the steps!! 😀 Finally narrowed down the ones that were going to be placed. I wanted a mix, wanted the old ones too. I also do have a leaning towards the clay dolls from Bengal. They have character….soul!! Set it up with my father. It is #day3 today and am still amused , a little guilty that the “kolu” is tiny – micro/mini!! To add fuel to fire, when I FaceTimed A, his reponse ” Why so small?”. Well that is that! It is what it is this year!

I am left wondering how amma got huge kolus up in a much smaller space in the flat I grew up in. Two kids, this huge kolu, making offerings like sundal or sweets to be distributed to those who visited, small thoughtful return gifts (when internet was a thing of dreams), running the household, dressing me up differently for me to go invite others [ this reduced as I grew up and grew distant], the elaborate kolams in front of our building! Super woman she was. No wonder I never lived up to her expectations!! She was not without her faults. We hardly saw eye to eye, but she was always there to talk to/argue with. I do miss her! A lot!! These festivals make it harder. I now understand why there is a pause for a year after one’s passing away – time to reflect, mourn. I would not have been able to do anything even if I tried I think if I had to set up for Navarathri or any other festival last year! I have been pushing myself this year as I know that is what amma would have liked.

Varalakshmi puja, Gokulashtami done, Navarathri going on…next is Deepavali! With A far away, amma farther away, it takes a lot to do anything! I try do my best, am sure not even close to what my mum did or expects of me! I will try my best to keep the tradition alive as much as I can! Hope A gets the blessings of the Gods & Goddesses!!

So far saw pics/videos of Kolu at a couple of my friends’. They were just awesome!! Apart from the tradition, I like how this festival encourages artists, creativity, brings people together. I have never been to dandiyas/ garbas and wonder how lovely it would be to see the exuberance!! Some day… Ma Durga willing, I can go pandal hopping in Kolkata!

No idea when all that would happen! No idea when I will come back to this space to scribble! Taking (or trying to) things as they come and it has not been that easy for an overthinking me!

Happy Navarathri 2023!!