emotions

Depression – What not to say?

I had written this and saved in drafts for quite a while (I think it is almost a year now!!) Was cleaning up the drafts folder deleting posts that did not seem relevant now. When I read this one, I felt like it still fits absolutely. Quite apt even now! Right now actually!! 😦

I came across this page…

Worst Things to Say to Someone Who Is Depressed

Have heard almost every sentence on that list! πŸ™‚

I know everyone means well…yet! some of those statements hurt really bad. I understand that being on the other side. Seeing a loved one go through hell is sheer hell by itself.Β 

What would I expect someone to tell me when I feel low? I don’t know…it really depends on the circumstances. I just know that I have all my well wishers. I might have alienated some with my attitude when some one consoles me with one of those many (really really exhaustive!!) phrases.Β 

I once read this list when I was in one of my highs (emotional/mental only πŸ˜‰ ) I realised there is not much left to say to some one depressed at all.Β 

I don’t know the right things. I probably have done a lot of faux-pas either having said one of those myself or reacted harshly to some one who did that to me.

This is truly a random rumination. Seeking answers. Throwing up questions. Doubt if I ever will find anything at all I seek in life! 😦

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19 thoughts on “Depression – What not to say?

  1. Hugss!!!

    I have realised, the only thing free in this world is ADVICE and people give it without thinking about the receiver!!!

    I know there were times where i tried telling u some of these, but then i realised being in the shoes, and being a 3rd party makes a world of diff..!!! πŸ™‚

  2. it’s difficult. i think it would be nice, maybe even good, if someone gives a rough idea on how to be approached when s/he is upset. that way the other person might not offend unwittingly with sympathies that might seem patronising. but sometimes, you don’t even know how you might like to be approached when upset! i guess when one’s emotions is running high, it would be best not to take things so personally from people who mean well, even if they go about it the wrong way.

  3. I read that list, and I agree, most of those things may be more…depressing than helpful.
    Here’s one I never liked: “What can I do to help you?” I know the person means well, but if I knew the answer to that question, I’d do it myself! The question just puts more stress on the depressed person, I think, because now, in addition to not feeling well, they feel pressure to give their helpful friend a good answer.
    Perhaps the best thing is to let you know we are here. That’s all. we are here. πŸ™‚

  4. anything anyone says can never be of help actually and if it is from that list. but i myself have said a few of those to people who were upset.

    it is difficult as we can never know what we say could be useful. but there is one more thing. action speaks louder than words. just be WITH the person, no need to say anything.

    does that work..?

  5. when I’m depressed… all I want is the person who have been the reason for my depression… to be there by my side… hugs me and just be there until I’m tired of crying… (I’ve spelled it out a few times… but I wonder where the people’s heart are… they never seem to understand)

  6. Me thinks people sometimes mean well. Dorky cliches are a part of the package when people are not close enough to give you a hug…

    But hey, life’s a bitch to everyone!

  7. The list on what not to say to a depressed person is extensive and exhaustive, nevertheless, people mean well and of course the easiest thing on earth is to solicit free advice.

  8. I can’t see the list you are talking about. The page is showing an ‘error’! So.. I might just say what’s in the list, unknowingly!

    Apologies! πŸ™‚

    I’ve had a recent paradigm shift approach to life. I am still the same person, but have just off loaded all the stress & pressure I was carrying on to the ocean.. just like that!

    No matter what the situation is, I think, end of the day, all of us are pushing ourselves to do somethings.. earn money, travel the world..

    And I have decided to just ‘F&*k it all’. It’s the best place to be. Right here, Right now.

    Makes sense?

  9. I guess people just mean well and have no new stuff to say while consoling.

    I suppose so Reema…As I said, I know everyone means well πŸ™‚

  10. After reading that list, I realize that there just is no “right” thing to say to someone who is that far down the well of depression at the time. Any well-intentioned phrase could hit the person the wrong way (some of those examples were obviously stated with good intentions while others maybe not so much). Yet I think there is a double-edged sword that goes along with depression and it is a sort of victimization. When someone is already feeling so down on themselves, they brush off anyone’s attempts to try and help. They also feel very alone and that nobody could possibly understand how they feel. But the truth is that there are millions of people on this planet and many of them do suffer from some sort of depression. I realize each person is unique and that their levels of depression differ but I think the point is that it’s just really difficult to reach someone when they are down THAT low until they are willing to be reached. I think a lot more research needs to go into this area because depression is becoming a little all too common these days and it doesn’t appear to me that the treatments are consistent or that they are working.

  11. I remember when I was depressed, thinking about what other people thought about me made me even more depressed. It was like a catch 22 spiral! I needed to remind myself (no matter how dark things seemed) that there are people out there who care about me, but just needed to understand something they have never experienced before.

    Thanks for the post πŸ™‚

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